The Full Figure Picture Still Going Forward

http://weartv.com/news/local/local-boutique-saves-the-day-after-a-teen-is-fat-shamed

I came across ^^^ this article ^^^ on the facebook of a friend. I've never been to Florida or even heard of this store but this story really hit me in the feels.

Mother and daughter go to find a dress for Homecoming and the sales rep gives her the signature up and down look at her daughter and shuts her down. It may not have been a harsh as Regina George getting told to go to Sears after not fitting in a size 5, but trust me when I tell you that it feels like that and about 99 times worse. After getting nowhere with corporate, a boutique was able to find a fabulous solution.

Now Grace Tennyson, the author of the article, mentions that Megan regular wore junior size clothing in that store. In my mind, there really shouldn't have been an issue at a department store but in this case it was and Megan was shut down completely and publicly.

I remember having this moment in high school trying to find a dress for Homecoming my Senior Year. I was nominated for Homecoming Queen and so proper formal attire was required. Nothing made me more nervous because at that time there wasn't a store that carried plus size formal wear that I could afford. I could have tried the prom store but I wasn't about to ask my parents to fork over $400 for a dress that I couldn't try on and that option was more than likely plain black....Hell, I didn't even buy either of my prom dresses at the prom store, and online shopping wasn't an option with dial up.

Forgive the picture - It's the only one I have that's mainly full length and pretty sure it was taken on a 35mm film camera and I needed to hide my cousin for obvious reasons. But you get the point...

I was plus size then, and now, but I was also taller than the average girl so I already knew trying to find something floor length would also be slim to none. After driving 4 hours away to the city, I could only find one dress that was semi appropriate, though my dad hated it, and it required some adjustments on my body's part, the shapewear and the strategies to keep the gorgeous fishtail front from riding up too high when I walked. And I don't recall being helped by an associate at all. Not when I was grabbing the displays off the walls to check at the tags to pray that there was an XL. Not when my mom had multiple dresses thrown over her shoulder while I changed in the dressing room hating life because it was too short off the floor or too short and close to the lady bits or cut just low enough that the school would complain about my chest making a bigger appearance than me.

To be honest, I got lucky. I wasn't the only plus sized nominee that year and we all had the same problem whether we admit it or not. Now did we make it work? Of course because we do that and are used to it. I loved the dress and enjoyed the day. Have I worn it since? absolutely not. Just like my high school graduation dress which was also a bit too short and too low cut for a sundress and my prom dress was about 4 inches off the ground that I was able to buy off of a friend of the family who wore it as a bridesmaid dress. We made due with what we had.

Granted, Tennyson doesn't mention how much the dress was before or after the fitting but the important part is that someone cared enough to make this young lady feel special and beautiful whether she is considered a straight size or plus size. High school is hell enough whether we know it during or realize it years after. So for this owner, I tip my metaphorical hat and give you much applause because there's a lot of us women now, who weren't able to have that option then and those who still don't now. And yet, you made the effort to show that this girl should most definitely feel like a million bucks and the pictures in the article show her believing that she is worth the million bucks.

“I think that everyone is beautiful and should feel that way.” - Deborah West, owner of the boutique

It goes to show that there is progress out there. It still seems slower than molasses on a white Christmas morning most times, but it's still progress. Stories like this are the shining light of hope. We, as curvy or plus or full figured or the B3s, have some more options now that weren't there before and I know that it will grow even more so that less people, girls and boys and everyone in between, don't have moments like so many of us, including Megan, had. I hope that she went to Homecoming and rocked the ever living Hell out of that dress with the gusto that comes with feeling like a rock star.






If you'd like to check out some of my other posts, here's a few topics I cover that you can always find on Bloglovin:

http://bit.ly/MyBloglovinPg


Posts like this:

Operation Ducks in a Row - Relationships and Life - http://bit.ly/10GTWODIAR

Tag! How much is my face worth? - http://bit.ly/MyFaceis

10 Pokewalk Essentials (because I'm a nerd like that :] ) - http://bit.ly/10PokeWalk

Tales of the Tank (aka my Purse) My 50 Cal Clutch - http://bit.ly/TOTT50Cal

B3 - Big, Bad, and Beautiful

So even though I've had this blog up for a bit, I still feel like I'm really new. One thing I know I'm still working on is my niche, my thang, my spot in the blogosphere. While I think that will still be a work in process, I know one thing that I can look to and that is the B3.

My aunt actually came up with this a long time ago and it has stuck with me. She said girls like us are Big, Bad, and Beautiful. And as someone who has kinda been an outlier to societies standard, it was really awesome to have someone say that yes, you're taller and a bit bigger than the average girl but that is ok because you are fierce and strong. I've taking those and looked at the women in my life, my mom, aunts on both sides, grandmas, and it needs to be said.

I am not a small woman; seriously, the smallest things about my body are my ears. I've known it my whole life, people have pointed it out to me in a backhanded compliment or just straight up rude comment or a seemingly innocent comment about when I'm due.

I have this friend and to be honest she's one of my best friends; she's the bubbliest person I know with a shape to kill for. She encountered a comment from a guy about her size and was told she should be ashamed of her body and she just took it and said how dare you?! I'm rocking my body because I love it.

Me being the kind of person I am, was like gimme da signal and you have back up STAT but she said no, she wasn't gonna let one person's opinion affect how she sees herself and the world. THAT is being Big, Bad, and Beautiful. Love yourself, stand up for yourself and let your sparkle shine.

I may not know where my niche will come from in order to point my blog in that direction but it will revolve around the three B's and I hope you'll come on this journey with me. 







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It's Ok, I'm Not Offended

With all the talk lately about Plus is Equal and body shaming, I can’t honestly say that it has had a huge effect on me. I completely support these movements and all, but the fact remains is that it is just emphasized on specific parts of the country, the coast. Sadly where I live, important topics are important but the hottest topic that usually goes around town are politics, religion, and work. Size, I believe is one of those things where it should not be brought up in polite conversation.

The other day though, I encountered something that made me take a step back and think. It’s no secret that I’m the biggest person at work. It’s something that I’ve noticed since day 1, but I’m also the tallest standing at 5 foot 10 with flats on. I’ve had my fair share of customers shamelessly asking when I’m due or what I’m having. It just comes with the territory but it does bug the living hell out of me. That’s when I look them directly in the eye and tell them that I’m not pregnant, I’m just that big. Insert the washing of embarrassment and shame and queue the immediate walking away. I’d like to say that I’m just fat, but I don’t think that would be very professional, however it has almost slipped out. But the bottom line is that it’s just rude, like asking about a woman’s age, you just don’t do it.

Back to the event, I was helping a customer like normal. Wasn’t a huge deal and one of my managers came in to deliver some paperwork. They know each other and so while I was working on his stuff, he struck up a conversation with her. There was the typical polite conversation, questions about how things are going and the family. Then he just stops and looks her up and down and tells her that she looks like she’s lost weight. We, both, have a bit of a surprised face and I quickly go back to my work. Now he’s wanting to know what she’s been doing and how much she’s lost because she’s looking good and every passing second, we both are uncomfortable.

She goes to tell him that it’s unwanted weight loss, how she’s afraid she’s getting sick, like dire-something-is-wrong sick. Explains doctor’s visits and everything because losing weight is not what she wants and it is really worrying her. She's female, of course she has issues with her size, what woman doesn't? We all have something that we think would be better. I'm very much at peace with my size, but even with my own body confidence, there are some problem areas to me. Big girls have them, small girls have them, every one has them, even guys. 

At the end of the day, she says that she needs to speak to me about what had happened. I didn’t get it because if anything I should have apologized for the guy's rudeness. But after all, I think she felt bad about her losing weight and the whole conversation around me, where it’s obvious that I don’t have a lot of luck in the losing weight department. I was like no, no, you’re ok. I know how you feel about it and the whole thing was just rude to you. I don’t think I said it but I do hope that she knows that it’s ok that she wants to be the size she wants and even more so that she's healthy. 

Being happy with yourself and being healthy is so much more important than the vanity. She was made fun of for being thin, I was for being big. Two sides of the same coin, and yet most people would think that having trouble gaining weight is more of a blessing, and maybe to some it is but for a lot of others, it's the opposite. We’ve all got our things and we have built a thick skin to not particularly be outright offended. But a big thing about ‘Murica is that everyone is quick to cry ‘offended’ and ‘bullying’ and ‘shaming’. We got our big girl panties on and are grown women. I can understand not wanting to offend someone by saying something in the wrong way or it comes out weird that so many would just jump on, but while there are too many people out there wanting apologies for every opinion, I’m ok. Thanks for the consideration, but we have other things to worry about.



(On the other hand, if you aren't happy then do something about it, don't complain)

#ROCKTHECROPTOP or in My Case....#DeerintheHeadlights

So if for some reason you haven't heard about it, I'm not sure where you've been. I saw it first on the Instagram and a hashtag later, it was instantly everywhere. O Magazine, the literature of the one and only Oprah, the spawn of one of the most powerful women alive had a pretty big hiccup for the world to see. Set the dramatic scene of a fifties cop interrogation room, black and white, bright light bulb in yo face!

The question, "Can I pull off a crop top?"

It could have gone many ways and the way it went, well you can imagine after seeing...

"If (and only if) you have a flat stomach...." And the internet blew up.

Body shaming is getting to be an increasingly hot topic. Be it fat shaming, skinny shaming, shaming shaming, it's everywhere. And it's brought out an amazing amount of wonderful women in all shapes and sizes throwing out the #ROCKTHECROPTOP tag, One being Gorgeous in Grey, (love reading her stuff).

I don't blame people for being outraged, uncomfortable, and offended. Part of me does too, but honestly only part. The other part wants to agree for all the wrong reasons.

After reading a lot of responses to the O Magazine Crop-gate, Carrie Bradshaw really wondered how I felt about it. I have never worn a crop top in my life. My dad is super conservative when it comes to the amount of skin I show. If I have on a camisole, then I need pull it up to show less cleavage, which is not easy with DD doggies, and try to not have my bra straps show so much. Strapless tops could only be worn around the house and if I thought about going outside to the laundry room, I had "better put a shirt on". Even I got older and became more comfortable with my size, I never considered a crop top. When they came back in style, I thought well that's cute but just not for me.

FIRST Problem, I had never tried to wear one. There's a quite a few ways to wear them and I am 0 to 100+. So in my mind, this doesn't even count as an excuse, but here it is.

SECOND Problem, I don't think that it would look good on me. First go back to the first problem, and add this to it. Even though I am comfortable with my size, I am still having some issues. I was used to wear my loss and gains usually went and that was to my hips and thighs, but not so much my mid section. Now...not so much the case and I can be open with the fact that it's an area I need to work on in my own way and in my own time.

THIRD Problem, there are things in life that sometimes help or hurt you. In my little equally as conservative town, there's a certain way to act in and outside of work. In my current position, I find myself seeing a lot of my customers even outside of work and I refuse to not be my bright and shiny self. But on the other hand, I don't want to talk about work. When I leave then I am no longer obligated to drop everything and take care of someone else's needs. But I also can't be rude because duh, mama didn't raise no fool. But I can still say that my confidence has taken a bit of a dip because being ON, for a lack of better words, is exhausting and I can't be me and I'm slowly retreating towards an old shell I had for a long time.

So while all these beautiful people are peeking that tummy, I'm in my head saying, "but I wear layers on a daily basis." I am usually wearing 2+ tops. I think my max was 4 tops and a jacket. And I've been doing that since high school to help smooth things out before I found shape wear and then actually bought shape wear. It makes me nervous, hence my deer in the headlights looks because yes, there is a part of me that says "YES, I have to get in this." Then I have to pull my fist pump down from the air and whisper, "but you don't have a crop top and probably wouldn't wear it anyway..." Not a nice thought. Gonna have to get this duck in a row as well. (Which if you don't know, was my last post so check that out too)

All in all, shoutout to the ladies who are bold and confident enough to rock the hell out of the crop top and you guys are my inspiration to get to that point, because it is doable, right?

Lilly Pulitzer - Who's Shaming Who?

If you hadn’t heard already from the Twitter or on the news, there’s been a new wave of so-called fat shaming when it comes to this brand. But honestly in my opinion, I think there may have a point somewhere that’s missing.

To give a short version of a long and dramatic story, The Cut did a story and took a tour of the Lilly Pulitzer HQ. And snapped these pictures that were hanging in an employee’s cubicle. Cue the internet and cue the metaphorical shiz hitting the ceiling fan that was running on high.

(and obviously I don't own these pics) 

Now I can agree with every fiber of my bean (yes, bean) that these photos are not ok to be in a place of business. Does it reflect bad on the company? Absolutely. These were hung in plain sight and no one thought anything was wrong. And of course, they covered their butt when they said that it was an individual’s ‘decorations’ and don’t reflect the views of the company.

And why would they? They just had a deal with Target to offer plus sizes…online only. They were able to get well known bloggers on board to help with the angry herd that is constantly getting thrown out of stores and into the exclusive online store. I can say that I was pretty stoked for knowing about a line that would be a bit more affordable than some of the over options there, but yea. Online. Another mystery of measurements and size guessing. I don’t even have a local Target, I have to drive a couple hours away to get to one, like I do with the other stores that only offer online plus sizes or just aren’t close enough to me to try things on. Big woop. But the point is that I highly doubt that L.P. would purposely sabotage the projected progress they are trying to make.

Everyone is up in arms about these pictures and while I don’t blame them, I do think everyone needs to take a step back and really think about this situation. Was it pointed towards the plus size community in order to show true colors of the brand? I half way doubt it but honestly that’s just something we may never know for sure and even if that is what the general feels are about the b3 women of the world, what idiot would purposely leave that out? That would be a one way ticket out of that job if it was left up to me because like I said, they are trying to expand, even if it’s only online at Target. They are attempting to take that bungee jump of faith, these pictures essentially snap the line that keeps you alive. Businesses don’t do that on purpose.

I believe in the depths of my heart that a deeper issue lies within the company. Think about it. These are ‘decorations’ in an employee’s cubicle. That employee sees that all day, every day. The bigger issue is that this person is trying to reach out. It could be for help, for attention, for just someone to notice. We don’t know but what you do in your work space speaks volumes about you as a person and an employee. So to that employee, these pictures tell me that you hate yourself and your body. You don’t think you belong there. You don’t love you let alone where you work or what you are doing in life. This is not ok!!!

Any half-assed supervisor or even a cubicle neighbor should have done something. They don’t promote a good message or positive work environment. Just pointing them out to say hey, this isn’t a good idea would have been better than pretending it wasn’t there. Most places have some sort of counseling or guidance and a company as big as L.P. would have somewhere to go or someone to talk to and this employee needs that. This company needs to know what is going on with their employees. This isn’t a train wreck aftermath, this is someone watching someone else stuck on the tracks with the train a few miles out and yet they just set up the lawn chair facing the other direction. Or in plain English, This could have been prevented!

Everyone is up in arms about fat shaming that sometimes we forget that there are other victims out there who are still battling themselves. This person had this toxic message for themselves. How many of us have done that? For a good number of us, our lives were constant messages about how terrible we are for our size and that we should be ashamed. I know I did. I had my voice along with a string of people’s voices saying the worst and it eats you from the inside out. It’s not easy to get out of but it’s possible to get out of that mind set and to learn to love yourself. Isn’t that what our Plus Size Movement is about? Helping us love us for who we are regardless of our size? I think too many of us are missing that in this situation. 

Here’s one article about it that I got the most information from, so read it and maybe you’ll see what I see. And I hope that this troubled person gets some help and realizes that she (probably a she) is worthy of love and should love herself.

 http://www.businessinsider.com/lilly-pulitzer-fat-shaming-cartoons-2015-5