B3 - Big, Bad, and Beautiful

So even though I've had this blog up for a bit, I still feel like I'm really new. One thing I know I'm still working on is my niche, my thang, my spot in the blogosphere. While I think that will still be a work in process, I know one thing that I can look to and that is the B3.

My aunt actually came up with this a long time ago and it has stuck with me. She said girls like us are Big, Bad, and Beautiful. And as someone who has kinda been an outlier to societies standard, it was really awesome to have someone say that yes, you're taller and a bit bigger than the average girl but that is ok because you are fierce and strong. I've taking those and looked at the women in my life, my mom, aunts on both sides, grandmas, and it needs to be said.

I am not a small woman; seriously, the smallest things about my body are my ears. I've known it my whole life, people have pointed it out to me in a backhanded compliment or just straight up rude comment or a seemingly innocent comment about when I'm due.

I have this friend and to be honest she's one of my best friends; she's the bubbliest person I know with a shape to kill for. She encountered a comment from a guy about her size and was told she should be ashamed of her body and she just took it and said how dare you?! I'm rocking my body because I love it.

Me being the kind of person I am, was like gimme da signal and you have back up STAT but she said no, she wasn't gonna let one person's opinion affect how she sees herself and the world. THAT is being Big, Bad, and Beautiful. Love yourself, stand up for yourself and let your sparkle shine.

I may not know where my niche will come from in order to point my blog in that direction but it will revolve around the three B's and I hope you'll come on this journey with me. 







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My Pissed AF Playlist

****Reader discretion advised. There may or may not be language that would not be considered lady-like and by that I mean... get over it PDQ before you continue****

My Bff sent me this on FB and I was like RIGHT?!

There are days and then there are days where you are glad that you can't blow things up with your mind. And then even worse when you question if you'd feel bad. I've had my fair share of days where people try to say that it's just one day, not your life. There's times that I can listen to my awesome boyfriend and look at the bigger picture like I did in this post. And then.....then there are times where I just need to be mad as Hell. Call me petty, an Aries, a girl and no I'm not on my damn period either so don't even try to pull that shit. I'm just fucking pissed... for whatever assortment of reasons.

It was Arnold in Terminator 3 who said that anger is more useful than despair. And yes it can be. Look at feelings and plans carried out due to vendettas and plots for revenge and sometimes you can even use it to come out victorious on top of the world when you apply angry to productivity and sh!t....

This was not one of those days. And for days like those, I turn to music, especially. I'm sure everyone does because it, literally, can be the only thing that meshes with what your feeling. So to share this notion, I've found a list of some of my fave mad-at-the-world songs that I have and continue to blast at home, in my car, etc. And yes, a lot of these songs are older but does matter? No bitch it does not but it does tend to make me feel better after a bit.


I'm Not Ok, I Promise - My Chemical Romance.

Crawling - Linkin Park.

So Sick - Flyleaf

Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence

The Sharpest Lives - MCR

Go To Church - Ice Cube/Snoop Dogg (when he was still D-O-Double G)/ Lil Jon

Rollin' in the Deep - Adele

Lil Homies - 2Pac

Knives and Pens - Black Veil Brides

Move - Ludacris

Disturbed - Down with the Sickness

In the End - Linkin Park

Let the Bodies Hit the Floor - Drowning Pool

Everybody's Fool - Evanescence

Nightmare - A7X

Runaway - Linkin Park

The Change - Evanescence

The Unforgiven - Metallica



Now don't get me wrong, I am all for positive thinking and reinforcement. I am on the road to becoming a more positive person. HOWEVER COMMA, I am also a person who has had that tendency to bottle things up until it blows like Mt. St. Helens. I do believe it's important to acknowledge that anger is a feeling to be dealt with. Regardless of the reasons for being super f*ckin pissed, it is not something that has to stay with you. So I am a firm believer in the power of music.

More often than not, in extreme negative emotions, mad-as-sh!t or sad AF, we are isolated and alone. In the back of our minds, we know that it's not true but the feelings suck. So build that playlist and blast it because it's easier to feel better when you hear someone going through that same emotion. Genre doesn't matter and this isn't the end of my playlist either but it helps. So get your YouTube on, or Spotify, whatever your poison is and look some of these up if you haven't heard it.

Now that I have that off my chest, here's what else has been going on in life.

Beauty 
Life Lessons
Finances

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Calm Your Tits! Seriously...

Ok so I need to get this out because somebody out in the interweb of haterland let their cheese slide off their cracker. I came across a post that I initially just gazed and scrolled and immediately had to take a double take and scroll back.

Reasons why small boobs are better than big boobs

Insult me all you want but when you start talkin about the girls, the Rottweilers with no names, the tata’s, the balls that are bigger than guy’s balls then you’ve just insulted my soul. I was ready to tear this stupid post apart! But honestly their arguments had no meat to it. (pun intended)

Their supposed reasons to shame the chests that hold the power to the universe included remarks like:

·       You can wear different bras – obviously notating the lack of variety that tends to be in larger sizes (who would have thought about that). My solution is stop trying to find bras at Wal-Mart. Victoria Secret doesn’t carry my bra size but I invest my hard working money into wonderful, quality, beautiful, patterned, solid, nude, lacy and racy bras from Lane Bryant and am really wanting to try the bras at Torrid.

·      Popping out- busty girls like myself always get this. Because some of us are more endowed than others, we automatically become unclassy, unprofessional and/or cheap when it comes to rocking a low cut anything. And then there are times where it’s not low cut and they can still runneth over, but most times that’s not the plan.  All I can say is that if I want you to see them, then you’ll see them. That doesn’t make me ‘whorrable’, it’s confidence.

·       Perky – noting that gravity is terrible and causes a lot of changes to take place throughout life. But here’s the kicker about this guys. Over time, we become older and all of us tends to sag in places we don’t want them too. (and if you didn’t read this with sarcasm, take a second and reread it please) It’s about health. If you take care of your ta ta’s when you’re younger along with the rest of yourself, then you’ll be just fine. My grandmothers are in their seventies and saggy girls are not an option.

·         Man attention – the particular caption was in reference to the distracting nature of the glorious beasts and the effects they can have on the opposite sex. But trying to say that I can never get a guy to make eye contact with me because he’s looking at my chest is like saying that a movie is better than the book it was based off of. Sometimes they stare yes, and sometimes they don’t. But last I checked, for those who stared, it was because you have breasts and carry two X chromosomes. I won’t lie to you and say that bigger boobs won’t get more attention, but another way to see it is that you gots da power! Over yourself, over that particular situation, over whether to get offended or to turn the tables in your favor.

·         Hard Life – throwing in struggles about back problems, the horrors of sports bras. And unfortunately yes there are women everywhere who struggle with their chest area. Some can afford to change that and some just make it with the hand they’re dealt. Sports bras are necessary for workouts or really anywhere that the dogs gotta be tied down. I don’t know of any woman with big or small titties that works out without one. There is a place and time to be wild and free, and the gym is not one of those times.

I got through the entire post with a giant ? on top of my head. Big boobs aren’t a death sentence and neither are small boobs. People with boobs have these problems regardless of size. So I really don’t know if maybe some sights are just really struggling for something to grab attention or what, but really internet, be original. If you want to bring the busty chests down to bring the small boobies up, don’t because they’re equal in the amount of pros and cons. There are people with bulldogs who’d rather have Chihuahuas and vise versa. I, myself, have always loved my bust. I weep for the breast cancer survivors because I can’t imagine my life without my chest and they do it every single day. I tip my hat and heart to them and to this dumb post, I can’t even bring myself to post the link, because obviously whoever is writing for you has some self-confidence issues. Put on some Demi with her Confident song and get over it and love what your mama gave ya.

An Open Letter To People in Customer Mode

Dear society in customer mode,

It’s that time of year again, even though Thanksgiving has already been forgotten, the Christmas music is playing in stores, the coupons and discounts are flooding in, and finances are being evaluated to take the shopping hits. As someone who works in customer service, part of me is excited and the other part is dreading it. The holiday season hits every industry in some way and on the front lines are all the employees who work in customer service. For some, the hours are longer, the inventory is bigger, and for even more the backlash is semi and not-so-semi hostile.

eCard brought to you by the power of Google 

I just ask that you remember that the employees who are helping you in your daily life are people too. We also go from employee mode to customer mode. The people I know in the food industry tip more than those who have never been. The people I know in the traditional retail industry have looked up extra coupons for friends, family, and people they don’t even know. The people who are working on the financial portion sometimes can’t get out of employee mode when they are off the clock because they are a face tied to that industry and are apparently not busy since they are in street clothes.

Google knows where the feels are

What I am trying to say is that we know it can feel like Hell because we’ve been there on both ends. But we are still people. Being in customer mode does not make you entitled because no, the customer is not always right. And no, the employee may not have all the answers, but you can bet that they will do their best to find out or to find someone who knows. So yelling about how we know nothing about our job and making everyone else nervous doesn’t make the employees or the company look bad, it just makes you look like an idiotic a$$. Because do you really think if we were stealing, that we would be working? If we really didn’t know what we were doing, what makes you the expert because unless you are currently an employee at that particular company, then you really don't know. (Policies and procedures tend to change in varying degrees only all the time anyway.)

Let's face it, Google knows

I know it’s not every customer, and I also know that not every employee is the Employee of the Month, but seriously take a look at yourself in the mirror and remember what kind of person you are. Because how you treat those that are there to help you, will show more about you as a person than the gift you buy for Christmas, or Easter, or the Fourth of July, or someone’s birthday.

Sincerely,

A person in employee mode.

Operation Ducks in a Row - Stop Complaining.

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine a while back. It had been quite a while since we had some wine and chat. She’s the Carrie to my Samantha. Lots of good views and some opposing but the biggest one we came out of was about how much we, as people in general, complain. We complain about our size, about losing weight, about gaining weight, about work and just life in a ton of aspects.

The fact is that bad habits take forever to die. Good habits are essentially the devil when it comes to setting up. A characteristic of my generation is that we are lazy, and in a lot of instances, entitled. A lot of times those are true. I won’t lie and say I’m not because I am pretty dang lazy and a bit spoiled. But I’m working on it. But in order to do that, must handle the problem of lazy habits.

Aside from all the negativity that complaining brings about, it’s still just talk. And if that is one guaranteed thing, we talk. Everyone can talk and a lot can talk the talk. But without the walk, it’s nothing. It means nothing except that your complaining is just whining which gets annoying very quickly. Haven’t you had those moments where even you get on your own nerves because I sooo have and it’s not cute nor is it productive.

I decided to take this into Operation Ducks in a Row. My mom always said that actions speak louder than words. But like any kid to their parent, everything sounds different either when someone else says it or if you figure it out by yourself. Actions mean more than vocal promises, just look at New Year’s resolutions. But when you are deciding on life changes, then you actually have to do something about it. If you want to complain about your current size, then what are you going to do about it? If you are complaining about work, then what actions will you take to change it?

It was a great discussion that night that had me thinking back to a lot of the things I complain about. 

My biggest issues at hand, I believe, are my house, work, and some adjustments I want to make to my physical figure. So from this conversation, I’ve started making mental lists and action plans about how to go from where I am now to where I want to go. For example, on the housing front, that means actually doing research to see what other housing options there are or whether it’s best to stay where I am. Effort is kind of a must and some days it’s harder to pull out than others but honestly, if I can put half as much effort into resolving my issues as I do in complaining about the multiple reasons nothing works, then what is the point??

The bottom line that we agreed on that night is that if you aren’t going to change anything then stop complaining about it. Not saying that it’s become a mission to point that out to everyone who’s complaining but if it can get the thought process going, then maybe it’s time to put in a little tough love to ourselves and to those around us not because we’re bullies or trying to offend anyone, but to get the mental gears turning and do it. Like my wonderful voice professor always said, there is no try only do. Try is a state of mind and a terribly excuse while doing is an action. Doing will initiate progress and knowledge and eventually the goal will be reached.

Read on to see my other ducks that are coming in line...
Store Cards
Savings
Downsizing

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It's Ok, I'm Not Offended

With all the talk lately about Plus is Equal and body shaming, I can’t honestly say that it has had a huge effect on me. I completely support these movements and all, but the fact remains is that it is just emphasized on specific parts of the country, the coast. Sadly where I live, important topics are important but the hottest topic that usually goes around town are politics, religion, and work. Size, I believe is one of those things where it should not be brought up in polite conversation.

The other day though, I encountered something that made me take a step back and think. It’s no secret that I’m the biggest person at work. It’s something that I’ve noticed since day 1, but I’m also the tallest standing at 5 foot 10 with flats on. I’ve had my fair share of customers shamelessly asking when I’m due or what I’m having. It just comes with the territory but it does bug the living hell out of me. That’s when I look them directly in the eye and tell them that I’m not pregnant, I’m just that big. Insert the washing of embarrassment and shame and queue the immediate walking away. I’d like to say that I’m just fat, but I don’t think that would be very professional, however it has almost slipped out. But the bottom line is that it’s just rude, like asking about a woman’s age, you just don’t do it.

Back to the event, I was helping a customer like normal. Wasn’t a huge deal and one of my managers came in to deliver some paperwork. They know each other and so while I was working on his stuff, he struck up a conversation with her. There was the typical polite conversation, questions about how things are going and the family. Then he just stops and looks her up and down and tells her that she looks like she’s lost weight. We, both, have a bit of a surprised face and I quickly go back to my work. Now he’s wanting to know what she’s been doing and how much she’s lost because she’s looking good and every passing second, we both are uncomfortable.

She goes to tell him that it’s unwanted weight loss, how she’s afraid she’s getting sick, like dire-something-is-wrong sick. Explains doctor’s visits and everything because losing weight is not what she wants and it is really worrying her. She's female, of course she has issues with her size, what woman doesn't? We all have something that we think would be better. I'm very much at peace with my size, but even with my own body confidence, there are some problem areas to me. Big girls have them, small girls have them, every one has them, even guys. 

At the end of the day, she says that she needs to speak to me about what had happened. I didn’t get it because if anything I should have apologized for the guy's rudeness. But after all, I think she felt bad about her losing weight and the whole conversation around me, where it’s obvious that I don’t have a lot of luck in the losing weight department. I was like no, no, you’re ok. I know how you feel about it and the whole thing was just rude to you. I don’t think I said it but I do hope that she knows that it’s ok that she wants to be the size she wants and even more so that she's healthy. 

Being happy with yourself and being healthy is so much more important than the vanity. She was made fun of for being thin, I was for being big. Two sides of the same coin, and yet most people would think that having trouble gaining weight is more of a blessing, and maybe to some it is but for a lot of others, it's the opposite. We’ve all got our things and we have built a thick skin to not particularly be outright offended. But a big thing about ‘Murica is that everyone is quick to cry ‘offended’ and ‘bullying’ and ‘shaming’. We got our big girl panties on and are grown women. I can understand not wanting to offend someone by saying something in the wrong way or it comes out weird that so many would just jump on, but while there are too many people out there wanting apologies for every opinion, I’m ok. Thanks for the consideration, but we have other things to worry about.



(On the other hand, if you aren't happy then do something about it, don't complain)

So Cosmo is Porn

If you haven’t seen it on the twitter-verse here’s a link from the Huffington post about what is apparently going on with some stores that carry the magazine. Long story short in not much nicer words with a dash of sarcasm, is that the magazine is the pornographic devil. If you read this with the movie appropriate accent, congrats you read it correctly.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cosmopolitan-magazine-wrapper_55bbd005e4b0d4f33a02d9ca?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000050

The “National Center for Sexual Exploitation” feels to me like the One Million Moms organization, a bit overrated. You want to be again sexual exploitation, great, there’s a ton out there but if you honestly think that the heart and soul of Cosmopolitan Magazine is out to steer people into the fiery depths of hell for talking about sex, then you obviously are talking without ever opening the magazine, let alone reading the articles.

Is there an emphasis on sex? Yes. Is it possible that it could be about different types, positions and what not? Yes. Is it all about pleasuring him? NO. Is it all about sex? NO. Does it in fact touch on topics like sexual exploitation and the struggles that women, and even people in general, do about sexual assault? Yes.

Cosmo talks about the topics that people don’t like to talk about. They bring into light some of the ugly realities that plague the world we live in whether it be overseas or on US college campuses. If you had looked on the cover that is in the Huffington post article, I won’t deny yes there are articles plastered all over the cover about sex, pleasuring yourself because God forbid that a woman have a sexual desire, pleasuring your partner because it’s all about him and not about the control you as a woman has over him that drives him crazy and makes you feel on top of the world. Giving you that confidence that pushes you to do better in other aspects of your life because that is unheard of. And if you look in the corner of the cover, the title “Are You Letting Your Dream Life Get Away?” Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all about sex.

Thank you for the gif via le Google and imoviequotes

It sucks that sex is vilified as much as it is. It’s dirty and shameful and because we are women, it makes it so much worse. Women are fearing being taken to different countries to be sold in the sex trade or suffering through FGM. But really, the issue is that this magazine talking about steering the children of the world into a dangerous lifestyle. But honestly, NCSE what about the pressure on the parents?

I don’t about ya’ll (yes my region is showing), but if my mom didn’t want me to listen to Tupac, I didn’t know who he was until high school. If I was listening to music at home, it was not allowed to have audible curse words. If a movie on TV was rated R, she would give me the look and yes let me watch Scary Movie, but I knew the when and where and what NOT to watch, hear, or especially repeat. I didn’t even start reading Cosmo until I got into college, not because it was ‘dirty’ but I wanted to know what else was in the world. 

The purpose of media is to discuss, educate, and share opinions but because everyone and their dog’s organization is offended and moral, everything besides what specific people like is wrong. So NCSE, if you feel that Cosmo needs a blinder like Playboy, go ahead and make your points and pressure more stores to put that magazine on the shame shelf. But realize what else you’re doing? How long until the goal is for the Republican mother of American history come back or as my mom and I like to say, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Bottom line is that we as women are so much more that for reproducing, for the nurturing and putting ourselves last. There are movements going on to progress gender equality, the paygap, sexual confidence, body confidence and while the media and the world has a way to go, it’s a start. It’s a start because we need more. More confidence and education about not being afraid of life because it’s beautiful at any size, it’s different from person to person when it comes to their love life and if it’s a journey that can be taken with the person you love, then it’s not just you alone.

I have a couple guy friends, who are straight, who read Cosmo because they are genuinely curious to see what we read about and what could be going in our minds. They want to know and they, too, want to please their women too, but who hears about that because that’s not what Cosmo is for right? Does anyone remember the video that went viral about the amount of differences between porn and actual sex. People of various ages still are turning to porn for the education that they aren’t getting from friends, family, or education. Save time with the computer viruses from going to shady sites of the no-no square and pick up some Cosmo. And with all the sass I can muster, Learn you some life and love.

Phat Girls

Ok ready the soap box ladies, I need to ascend. Now I understand that due to technology and laziness, the human mind has a tendency to go blahhhhhhh *cue drool*. So many people do not have an imagination or just are at a lack of words. I can’t narrow that down to just men, because it’s women too. Maybe it’s because I see myself as creative or maybe I’m just a smart a$$, but I’ve also seen where different people, especially women, don’t approve of being described as plus size. It’s a matter of preference, yes, but I am also not the type of person to say don’t call me fat because it’s bullying or offensive.

Honestly, I don’t know why some people don’t like to be called plus size, but I can only imagine that it goes hand in hand with my distaste for the description of “chubby”.  When I hear chubby, I picture a child or toddler who hasn’t lost their baby fat or a kid who doesn’t know better. It’s also said to me with a tone of pity and shame and I’m not ok with that. I know I have mentioned it before about being the biggest woman at work, that’s a given. It’s not a shame, it just is. So when I ask customers if they remember which person they talked to, it’s either the lady in the big office, the corner office, the one in the middle and the chubby one…..see the difference yet???

I understand that my size is the first thing people see when they see me, but come one people! Have you no other way to describe a person? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a customer to call up and describe me as bodacious or voluptuous, because that is super weird and creepy. I know I’m big, you know I’m big. If you feel the need to address someone by their size, keep it short and simple, say big or bigger. It’s not derogatory, it just is. I’m big, as captain obvious may say, so don’t think you’re doing anyone favors when dancing around words and round arm gestures to describe a person. Open up a thesaurus for crying out loud.

If I Want Your Shakes, I'll Ask

As anyone who has ever worked in customer service knows, you get a lot of different people. People you like, and a lot that you don’t. Between the regulars, the sweet old people and the not-so-sweet ones, somewhere in there you have the independent entrepreneurs who are trying their hand at whatever they are selling. Now most of the time I don’t mind, hearing their shpeal as I had tried my hand at selling Mary Kay at one point in time, unfortunately it didn’t work out for me. However lately, I’ve had the wellness gurus come in spouting their specific benefits to me after being looked up and down.

I don’t blame them, they are trying to do their job, but it really bugs me that I’m always the one they go to first as if they are my savior. Yes, I know I am the biggest person here, but that is nothing new. Yes, everyone can make healthier decisions, however, just because I am this size does not automatically mean that I am looking for a product to lose weight. Some people’s goal is to be thin, mine is not. I may not be as healthy as I could be but that is a work in progress. I do not secretly hate myself for my size. It took me too long to be happy with who I am to revert back to that. My confidence may have been shaken every so often but not to the point that they may think so.

Basically I’ve had about three customers come in, size me up and then tell me about how great their products are to lose weight and be healthier. Now, there is a right and wrong way to go about this, but they were obviously not given the memo that how you say things affects how people perceive them, especially in sales. A big part of me wanted to yell, “No I don’t care about your shakes, and my health is between my doctor and I.” So many times, you hear people wanting to say they are trying to help by pushing the health needs and benefits in your face like a bible thumper, but in actuality it’s them having a problem with people like me. They have a problem with my size, with my happiness, and why should I be happy with myself when they are not. I’m sorry but I’m not here on this planet to please you. Other plus size women, and men, are not here to be pushed thru the mud for everyone else to walk across. It doesn’t work that way with me. So keep moving.
And give me a moment to descend from my soap box.