Equal Pay Day Plus a Couple Thoughts

Just a comment or three about today. If you've been on social media at all, you'll know that today is Equal Pay Day. An estimated time frame to show that since we are 102 days into the new year, that women's pay catches up to where men ended last year. I must say that I have a few comments on that as well. It is said that women make on average 77 cents to every white male's dollar, however comma, that is for a white female. Women of color tend to face a larger pay gap. According to a piece I read from Cosmopolitan magazine by Jill Filipovic,

"It's a ubiquitous statistic: Women make 79 cents for every dollar a man makes. African-American women make 65 cents, Native America women 59, and Latinas just 54 cents to a white man's dollar."

While the gap is shocking, it's really not surprising. Equal rights is always a touchy subject for everyone but women's rights have been a topic of controversy since we were 'granted' the right to vote. Now I'll be honest when I say that I'm not sure if I've been a victim of the pay gap because I work for a corporation that tends to pay by the position and not necessarily by the name of the person in the position. There's been different ups and downs with my work story the size of the Rocky Mountains but even before I got into the workforce, I remember my mom telling me,

"You'll have to work twice as hard because you have two strikes against you. 1. You're female and 2. You're Hispanic."

She warned me about this because I know that she's had some pay discrimination in her life for more reasons than just gender and race. She didn't want me to be caught off guard about how the world has worked for so long and I'm not.

And now in these recent years, it's nice to see how it's being put out there and how narrow minded people really are. Education and time off for families and experience are honestly some bull sh!t excuses that some tend to play around with on how much affects the pay gap and some even claim that the gap doesn't exist. But on the other side, if women do really well then they are the bossy devil b!tch in Prada.

"Ok she's tough, but if Miranda were a man, noone would notice anything about her except how great she is at her job" ~The Devil Wears Prada

 Apparently there is no middle to women in the workplace. Apparently there seems to be gap in more than one place. So to the doubters and nay-sayers, do whatever helps you sleep at night because just because you don't believe it's this bad or you doubt the gap even exists, it does. It may be bigger in a lot of places and not as big in others, but the gap itself still remains.

This topic hangs in the back of my mind at times and ends up mentally listed in a few of my life choices like building a savings. Because with a lesser pay in places, there's less for retirement and less received in Social Security because there's not always enough paid in during the working years. It's not always about the here and now but it's over time and you learn that a lot of things, like your pay, will affect more that just your bank account and current livelihood










What else have I learned? Look at my last post on what else I've learned in the past 25 years of life.

Operation Ducks in a Row - Stop Complaining.

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine a while back. It had been quite a while since we had some wine and chat. She’s the Carrie to my Samantha. Lots of good views and some opposing but the biggest one we came out of was about how much we, as people in general, complain. We complain about our size, about losing weight, about gaining weight, about work and just life in a ton of aspects.

The fact is that bad habits take forever to die. Good habits are essentially the devil when it comes to setting up. A characteristic of my generation is that we are lazy, and in a lot of instances, entitled. A lot of times those are true. I won’t lie and say I’m not because I am pretty dang lazy and a bit spoiled. But I’m working on it. But in order to do that, must handle the problem of lazy habits.

Aside from all the negativity that complaining brings about, it’s still just talk. And if that is one guaranteed thing, we talk. Everyone can talk and a lot can talk the talk. But without the walk, it’s nothing. It means nothing except that your complaining is just whining which gets annoying very quickly. Haven’t you had those moments where even you get on your own nerves because I sooo have and it’s not cute nor is it productive.

I decided to take this into Operation Ducks in a Row. My mom always said that actions speak louder than words. But like any kid to their parent, everything sounds different either when someone else says it or if you figure it out by yourself. Actions mean more than vocal promises, just look at New Year’s resolutions. But when you are deciding on life changes, then you actually have to do something about it. If you want to complain about your current size, then what are you going to do about it? If you are complaining about work, then what actions will you take to change it?

It was a great discussion that night that had me thinking back to a lot of the things I complain about. 

My biggest issues at hand, I believe, are my house, work, and some adjustments I want to make to my physical figure. So from this conversation, I’ve started making mental lists and action plans about how to go from where I am now to where I want to go. For example, on the housing front, that means actually doing research to see what other housing options there are or whether it’s best to stay where I am. Effort is kind of a must and some days it’s harder to pull out than others but honestly, if I can put half as much effort into resolving my issues as I do in complaining about the multiple reasons nothing works, then what is the point??

The bottom line that we agreed on that night is that if you aren’t going to change anything then stop complaining about it. Not saying that it’s become a mission to point that out to everyone who’s complaining but if it can get the thought process going, then maybe it’s time to put in a little tough love to ourselves and to those around us not because we’re bullies or trying to offend anyone, but to get the mental gears turning and do it. Like my wonderful voice professor always said, there is no try only do. Try is a state of mind and a terribly excuse while doing is an action. Doing will initiate progress and knowledge and eventually the goal will be reached.

Read on to see my other ducks that are coming in line...
Store Cards
Savings
Downsizing

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It's Ok, I'm Not Offended

With all the talk lately about Plus is Equal and body shaming, I can’t honestly say that it has had a huge effect on me. I completely support these movements and all, but the fact remains is that it is just emphasized on specific parts of the country, the coast. Sadly where I live, important topics are important but the hottest topic that usually goes around town are politics, religion, and work. Size, I believe is one of those things where it should not be brought up in polite conversation.

The other day though, I encountered something that made me take a step back and think. It’s no secret that I’m the biggest person at work. It’s something that I’ve noticed since day 1, but I’m also the tallest standing at 5 foot 10 with flats on. I’ve had my fair share of customers shamelessly asking when I’m due or what I’m having. It just comes with the territory but it does bug the living hell out of me. That’s when I look them directly in the eye and tell them that I’m not pregnant, I’m just that big. Insert the washing of embarrassment and shame and queue the immediate walking away. I’d like to say that I’m just fat, but I don’t think that would be very professional, however it has almost slipped out. But the bottom line is that it’s just rude, like asking about a woman’s age, you just don’t do it.

Back to the event, I was helping a customer like normal. Wasn’t a huge deal and one of my managers came in to deliver some paperwork. They know each other and so while I was working on his stuff, he struck up a conversation with her. There was the typical polite conversation, questions about how things are going and the family. Then he just stops and looks her up and down and tells her that she looks like she’s lost weight. We, both, have a bit of a surprised face and I quickly go back to my work. Now he’s wanting to know what she’s been doing and how much she’s lost because she’s looking good and every passing second, we both are uncomfortable.

She goes to tell him that it’s unwanted weight loss, how she’s afraid she’s getting sick, like dire-something-is-wrong sick. Explains doctor’s visits and everything because losing weight is not what she wants and it is really worrying her. She's female, of course she has issues with her size, what woman doesn't? We all have something that we think would be better. I'm very much at peace with my size, but even with my own body confidence, there are some problem areas to me. Big girls have them, small girls have them, every one has them, even guys. 

At the end of the day, she says that she needs to speak to me about what had happened. I didn’t get it because if anything I should have apologized for the guy's rudeness. But after all, I think she felt bad about her losing weight and the whole conversation around me, where it’s obvious that I don’t have a lot of luck in the losing weight department. I was like no, no, you’re ok. I know how you feel about it and the whole thing was just rude to you. I don’t think I said it but I do hope that she knows that it’s ok that she wants to be the size she wants and even more so that she's healthy. 

Being happy with yourself and being healthy is so much more important than the vanity. She was made fun of for being thin, I was for being big. Two sides of the same coin, and yet most people would think that having trouble gaining weight is more of a blessing, and maybe to some it is but for a lot of others, it's the opposite. We’ve all got our things and we have built a thick skin to not particularly be outright offended. But a big thing about ‘Murica is that everyone is quick to cry ‘offended’ and ‘bullying’ and ‘shaming’. We got our big girl panties on and are grown women. I can understand not wanting to offend someone by saying something in the wrong way or it comes out weird that so many would just jump on, but while there are too many people out there wanting apologies for every opinion, I’m ok. Thanks for the consideration, but we have other things to worry about.



(On the other hand, if you aren't happy then do something about it, don't complain)

Too Young? Take a Double Take

I saw this mini post from Fashionista and I couldn’t stay away. There’s apparently a lot of controversy over it and I really wish there was more to the article than there was, but on the other hand, it does leave a lot open for discussion. Oh internet, gotta love it.

Mario Dedivanovic is a celebrity makeup artist, notably for Kim Kardashian but she’s not important. The key words are Celebrity MakeUp Artist. As in he gets paid high dollar for artistic work in the form of makeup. So he does have an idea of what good makeup is. He knows what he's talking about when looking at the picture, which of course, blew up on le Instagram.

Honestly, I can kind of see how this can be taken the wrong way. I attribute that, partially, to living in a conservative part of the country but I’m also from a close traditional Hispanic family. Children are supposed to be innocent and little and I’m all for stalling the adulthood process. However, I don’t have kids and I see this in a different way and from looking at some of the comments, so do a lot of other people.

I started dancing at 5. I did ballet, tap, jazz, my personal favorite being ballet folklorico so any time we had a performance, there my mom was putting on my makeup. Now as a five year old looking at myself in full coverage cakey paint with red marks on my cheeks and my most hated enemy…. the black stuff on my eye lashes that never completely came out until I washed my face a dozen times. And it was expected for it to be weird and eventually annoying because yes, I was a child. But it was so worth it and it came with the gig. As I grew older I got used to it and learned how to do it myself, however comma, that was the only time I was allowed to wear it.

My family is definitely on the old fashioned side. I was lucky when I could shave my legs at the age of twelve and that is because I was so intimidated by everyone in my class who wore shorts and dresses and I honestly only ever wore pants because I wasn't allowed to shave my legs. I pushed some of the boundaries in junior high with some light eye shadow and the only mascara I was allowed to use was a clear one from some tween brand that doesn’t even exist anymore. But 15 was the magic number. Then I could wear makeup on a daily basis, do my eyebrows, date, the possibilities were endless. Did it suck getting there? Of course it did, puberty sucks for everyone.

Bringing it back to this controversial photo, I think that people forget that there are differences between my dance makeup story at five as a regular person who had no idea what the internet was at that time and this child model getting makeup applied by a makeup artist for a professional photo shoot. Now Mario did not do this look on the little model. He posted a picture of artistic work from his industry. This young girl obviously had a real life job to do and she did it fantastically and is looking cute and glamorous and confident, which is probably where the 'future daughter' part comes from.

The argument could be made that it is spreading the idea of over sexualizing girls and they are just getting younger and younger but forced to grow up. There’s the fighting over pageant girls who look like tiny adults but even look that the comparison sample via google images. 

Are their similarities? Yes and why is that? Because they are performing! Whether it be pageants, dance recitals, modeling, or making movies require makeup and when it comes to photos they also require editing. That's just how it is. When someone is getting paid and especially paid well, then they are going to bring out their best work. Whether or not, someone goes overboard on the photoshop is a different can of worms. All that being said, it should be obvious that these kids do not go out every day like this. 

The fact remains that there was a job to be done and that’s how child stars are born. Mario Dedivanovic isn’t saying that all little girls should rock a winged eyeliner with a super cute lip. And honestly, if you think that is what is happening, then reconsider having kids or if you do have kids, then it’s up to you to show them otherwise. There's more than 'face value' so to speak so before you get offended, just think about it a minute before writing up a petition.

Phat Girls

Ok ready the soap box ladies, I need to ascend. Now I understand that due to technology and laziness, the human mind has a tendency to go blahhhhhhh *cue drool*. So many people do not have an imagination or just are at a lack of words. I can’t narrow that down to just men, because it’s women too. Maybe it’s because I see myself as creative or maybe I’m just a smart a$$, but I’ve also seen where different people, especially women, don’t approve of being described as plus size. It’s a matter of preference, yes, but I am also not the type of person to say don’t call me fat because it’s bullying or offensive.

Honestly, I don’t know why some people don’t like to be called plus size, but I can only imagine that it goes hand in hand with my distaste for the description of “chubby”.  When I hear chubby, I picture a child or toddler who hasn’t lost their baby fat or a kid who doesn’t know better. It’s also said to me with a tone of pity and shame and I’m not ok with that. I know I have mentioned it before about being the biggest woman at work, that’s a given. It’s not a shame, it just is. So when I ask customers if they remember which person they talked to, it’s either the lady in the big office, the corner office, the one in the middle and the chubby one…..see the difference yet???

I understand that my size is the first thing people see when they see me, but come one people! Have you no other way to describe a person? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a customer to call up and describe me as bodacious or voluptuous, because that is super weird and creepy. I know I’m big, you know I’m big. If you feel the need to address someone by their size, keep it short and simple, say big or bigger. It’s not derogatory, it just is. I’m big, as captain obvious may say, so don’t think you’re doing anyone favors when dancing around words and round arm gestures to describe a person. Open up a thesaurus for crying out loud.

Just for Your FYI - I'm Not Your Bae - Torrid

This wonderful outfit from Torrid is fabulous and would be the only way I would acknowledge the word bae. I was never a fan of it and was one of those people who had to look it up when I heard it. (No shame or judgement) and what I found is that bae is Danish for poop, feces, crap shit, etc.
Urban dictionary defines it as a phrase of endearment as an acronym for 'Before Anyone Else'. Now maybe I'm just a English type person who tries her best to speak or write grammatically correct and fully understands that we all occasionally have a brain fart or three, but other people don't and it makes me question their IQ. 

Call it judgmental, call it stuck up, call me whatever you'd like but I didn't go to school to be called someone's crap or before anyone else. Since most tend to use it as a noun, it makes for sense to use it in the denotative state rather than the alternative. 

So in the end, kudos to Torrid for making me smile. That's all.

Goal Clothes....Friend or Foe?

One of the many things that happens at work where 98% of us are women are the conversations. We are such an observant species that it just boggles my mind that we can agree and yet disagree about everything. I could get on a platform stage of a soap box the size of Carnegie Hall and break the walls down but I will step back and try to see this a few ways.

So I'm sure that everyone around this time of year has the annual Christmas parties. Some are extravagant with cocktail dresses and martinis and high heels and sneaky trips to the utility closet. They are filled with music and extravagant white elephant gifts with Christmas bonus declarations. Then there are some Christmas parties with both sides of the family getting together and everything goes wrong due to a squirrel and an untrained dog with a really lame Christmas bonus causing Cousin Eddy to go and kidnap your boss and deliver him in the middle of the living room with a giant red bow followed by an entire swat team coming in from every angle causing more damage than really necessary. Well I've never had either of those parties. We have pot lucks and leftovers for days.

I can understand that especially around the Holidays some people don't care about the amount of calories or carbs that happen and then there are some who decide to go on a diet right before the holidays. It's no secret that I've always been the biggest woman at work. But something that we all have at my place of work is our own sense of style. We like what we like and while recently some have been exiled from our dress code and from my work wardrobe, the topic of jeans come up.

Now depending on where you live, if you live in our west, dressing up can and often includes your nicest pair and best fitting jeans. Denim is practically in our blood and you don't ever let you go of them. Break out the Lord of the Rings meme,

Unless patching or sewing them back together doesn't hold both pieces of denim together, you wear the HELL out of them. But anyways, the whole point I'm trying to make is that somewhere in a drawer or in the back of the closet is that one pair. That one pair of jeans that you convince yourself if even for the smallest amount of time that you will fit back into. Miranda does it in Sex and the City, and from the sounds of it, every girl at work has one........but me.

Now don't get me wrong, I get the point of having goal jeans or goal clothes. Hanging up the bikini the first of January to get ready for "swimsuit season". And maybe the article of clothing holds some awesome memories that you want to try to reanimate? Maybe you felt the best about yourself in that particular article of clothing. Don’t get me wrong, I had them at one point in time. They weren't jeans but it was a pair of capris that I wore in Junior High......Junior high. I held onto them until I got to college and then I let them go.

It dawned on me that I didn't want to be that particular size, not because it was an unrealistic size goal, but a problem I tend to have is to live in the past. You can look at any person in my family and we will always talk about days gone by, the shoulda, woulda, coulda's and I just didn't want to do it anymore. It actually did the opposite of the motivation that so many others use it for. It made me realize that over time I have actually gone in the opposite direction of where I 'wanted' to be and I would look at the current me at whichever point in time I found those clothes and I felt terrible. Gut wrenching, Lifetime movie tear jerking terrible about the size I had become. So where I can see the point of the 'goal clothes', it is just a no go for me.

Cece Olisa from Plus Size Princess really put it into perspective for me in one of her posts about realizing that our size and our health is not on an annoying tag on the back of a shirt or jeans. It’s not about the number, it’s how we feel in what fits. Fits your shape, your personality and makes you feel like a million bucks. I don’t feel the need for ‘goal clothes’ but to each their own.

If I Want Your Shakes, I'll Ask

As anyone who has ever worked in customer service knows, you get a lot of different people. People you like, and a lot that you don’t. Between the regulars, the sweet old people and the not-so-sweet ones, somewhere in there you have the independent entrepreneurs who are trying their hand at whatever they are selling. Now most of the time I don’t mind, hearing their shpeal as I had tried my hand at selling Mary Kay at one point in time, unfortunately it didn’t work out for me. However lately, I’ve had the wellness gurus come in spouting their specific benefits to me after being looked up and down.

I don’t blame them, they are trying to do their job, but it really bugs me that I’m always the one they go to first as if they are my savior. Yes, I know I am the biggest person here, but that is nothing new. Yes, everyone can make healthier decisions, however, just because I am this size does not automatically mean that I am looking for a product to lose weight. Some people’s goal is to be thin, mine is not. I may not be as healthy as I could be but that is a work in progress. I do not secretly hate myself for my size. It took me too long to be happy with who I am to revert back to that. My confidence may have been shaken every so often but not to the point that they may think so.

Basically I’ve had about three customers come in, size me up and then tell me about how great their products are to lose weight and be healthier. Now, there is a right and wrong way to go about this, but they were obviously not given the memo that how you say things affects how people perceive them, especially in sales. A big part of me wanted to yell, “No I don’t care about your shakes, and my health is between my doctor and I.” So many times, you hear people wanting to say they are trying to help by pushing the health needs and benefits in your face like a bible thumper, but in actuality it’s them having a problem with people like me. They have a problem with my size, with my happiness, and why should I be happy with myself when they are not. I’m sorry but I’m not here on this planet to please you. Other plus size women, and men, are not here to be pushed thru the mud for everyone else to walk across. It doesn’t work that way with me. So keep moving.
And give me a moment to descend from my soap box.

OMG I'm Fat....Really? Really now?

There's this thing that happens. Ten million times more than it should. And for some reason it's always around me. (And by me I mean anyone at a size 12+) It starts with one and spreads faster than yawning or the flu. The words are so few and yet soooo annoying causing actual nails to dig holes in the actual chalk board of the brain.

"I'm so fat."
Following up with, "I need to go on a diet, look at this gut." (proceed to poke skin)

We have all heard it from too many people to count, granted more from the girls rather than guys but the point is that it is heard. And a majority are relatively healthy or the type who like the affirmation from everyone else about how good they look.........

What they don't think about is how their 'self deprecating non-humor' affect the people around them. Something my mom always told me was that what you do affects everyone around you, not just you.
Every time I hear this, I'm always taken aback a little bit. If they think this way about themselves, how do they see me?

Then I found this...


Keywords, YOUR THOUGHTS. Not there's. We all get caught up in what others think of us and if you read my last post, you know that I've been swimming in it lately. But this conversation came up at work with some of the same people and it struck a nerve. A nerve that doesn't lead me to my dark bedroom under my covers with tissues. It's a nerve that strikes fire in my eyes from my temper that kind of brings me back to a sense of normalcy.

We all have our own issues with our bodies and that's our own business HOWEVER Comma, we as women should not tear ourselves down to bring someone else up. It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and what I have. I have my own things to work on but I don't broadcast it out to the world with my flaws because you know what? I have a body with curves, more curves than a lot of others, and you know what I am ok with that. I have top and bottom and stuff in between. I don't strive for a thigh gap or to fit in all the clothes on the runway. I will NOT feel worse about myself so someone else, known or not, can feel better about themselves. That's not my job.

I'm striving to return my happiness to myself. And that can only happen by me. The same way it can only happen to anyone. Too many times we are our own worst enemy and the 'I'm fat' things don't help one iota. We gotta take it back ladies. We need to be our own best friend, biggest cheer leader, and motivational back up.

The "Sexiest" Subway Commercial...yea right.

So if you haven't seen it or heard about it yet, you will. Besides the ebola crisis, the protests in China, and Isis running amok, what is grabbing the controversial scene is the new commercial from Subway.
 Take a look...

Sexy Subway Commercial via Youtube

I remember seeing it and thinking wow, someone needs to put that one clip from Mean Girls where Kady has her realization about the modern day Halloween night.

People are calling it sexist and size-ist. In some ways I can see that. The first thing that stood out to me was the line, "you guys are eating burgers?" As much as I hate it, people watch what each other eat all the time and even more so when they happen to be bigger than the magazine model. I try my best to not watch what my friends order but even I am guilty of it. People have commented on my choices with good intentions and usually met with unrealistic scenarios in my head, you know.

I love me some Subway, I don't feel terrible about eating there and I love fresh veggies on my sandwich and love even more that I don't have to make it. But this commercial kinda sucked. It reminded me that no I don't have the body to wear the classic 'sexy' costumes nor am I comfortable wearing a skirt that could turn into a free show at any breeze's whim outside. Halloween used to be super fun and it was about creativity and not who can show more skin without cosplay. I'll probably spend my Halloween with my boyfriend with awesome scary movies and handing out candy in the neighborhood I live in because even thought my town is a college town, it's not the whole town and some people have to go to work the morning after leaving no room for a hangover. Just sayin.

Everyone knows how important it is to be fit and healthy but sorry Subway, this was not the way to do it. It emphasizes, insert sarcasm, the 'need' to lose weight and the 'acceptable' form of sexy. It's not ok. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor, because the guy at the end in his viking costume made me laugh, but my overall feeling could best be summed up with a facepalm.

Being healthy does not mean being skinny just as being skinny doesn't mean you are healthy. Health and fitness isn't just about the size of the Halloween costume 'after summer', it's about taking the body you were born with and making sure it is the best it can be. It's not easy, everyone knows that. I, myself, struggle with it everyday.

So love it or hate it, there's my two cents.

PROOF That Plus Size Women Buy Designer

I've been pretty excited lately, 1. Because it's raining and 2. Because my sister got engaged. She and my future brother-in-law (who I've called my in-law forever anyway) have been together ten years. *Que Charlotte's scream from SATC movie* It's a huge deal. She's the first of the four of us to go into this stage of life.

He proposed while they were taking 10 year anniversary photos in Philly. (because they decided they wanted to leave us out west. lol)

You can't deny that she is beautiful

She shopped and shopped for an outfit, and as a wonderful B3 woman, using her eastern resources to find this gorgeous dress from IGIGI. Anyone who has ever looked at their website knows that this is not a 20 or even a 50 dollar dress. This was a couple hundred dollars. IGIGI is a great brand for B3 style clothing with a designer price tag to go on it. But my sister loves it, rocks it, and is planning on buying more.

It totally contradicts the general notion that Fashionista.com informed the world of. Here's the link to that. (PS she's awesome)

http://fashionista.com/2014/08/plus-size-women-problems

She writes about how so many say that plus size women will generally buy the cheap unflattering clothing or focus on losing weight and just not buying great pieces or clothing that they love. Now I can't say that there are not people like that in the world and my sister and I have had our own moments in our lives where we were in the same place. But there's a myriad of women who are making waves about loving our bodies and my wonderful sister and I are trying to do the same by example. What girl, regardless of size, has ever not loved her body for whatever reason? How long do young girls, especially, have terrible self esteem? To many and too long is the right answer.

I owe a lot to my sister because she is amazingly strong and growing up, that helped me decide that it was ok to have an opinion and that not everyone will be ok with that opinion, but that is their problem. So here we are in the world, going out in public, subject to judgement from everyone and their dog saying "Yes, I'm Big and need bigger clothes but here I am rocking the 200+ dollar dress that many in the fashion industry say I won't buy." Totally making their reasoning for not extending sizes a sad excuse. If you make it, we will try. And if we try and like it, we will buy.