Hello, I'm Shrill Too

So Shrill has hit the Hulu and I had no idea. I was on the Instagram as one does after the Grampocalypse that, at least was, for me, just slightly annoying but some people really lost they shiz. But one of the peeps I follow, Marge Hudson aka @areyoutheregoditsmemarge, opened my eyes to what is happening on the interwebs and I had to be apart of it.

Thankfully, I have a day off of work and was planning on totally and completely taking advantage of it. So I had to see what was going and oh my sweet eleven pound baby Jesus, this was phenomenal! The main character is Annie, Aidy Bryant, and she is the me and the many others who have gone through anything similar who doesn't fit in a sample size. It was shocking and beautifully done. I also want so much to have a Fran, Lolly Adefope, in my life just FYI. 

From episode one, the story is on the move and things are moving very quickly. But I could relate to this show if you haven't figured that out. Now, I don't know if her wardrobe was modestly chosen on purpose because she likes it but feels the need to 'cover up' or what. I just watched the season and here I am so don't @ me. However comma, I felt it because I know in high school, I drove my bff and my mom crazy because my standard wardrobe were jeans and a t-shirt of darker tones. I upped my makeup and accessory game where I could but always double guessing affections from the opposite sex. I mean, hell, who hasn't been called a flipper when your supposedly bisexual boyfriend cheats on you with a guy friend? (For the record, I was the last girl he had as a girlfriend and there's no confusion about the intentions in hindsight and in true Ariana fashion, I'm thankful for him because I now have my ride or die, my person, my best friend for life who is also his ex.) 

I've had the thoughts where I've thought that a going-on-the-back-door-better-than-nothing feeling was as good as it was going to get. And the mental change that Annie has starts to resonate as the season goes on and that is something that some people have at different times in life and if someone hasn't, I have a feeling that it will help someone get to that point to where they can start loving themselves and stop apologizing for taking space in the world.

Even now with my new position, I'm again the biggest person in the building of about a dozen-ish and while it's not intentional most of the time, it's noticed that one does not belong or one does not mesh. Even our personalities are quite a bit different and I've seen clients do a double take for crying out loud. 

So it's there, it's not just a show catering to the plus sized community about empowerment but it's also shows the ugly parts that come with it. It happens and people on the internet are cruel but confronting enemies in person, you find how much they hate themselves because you don't have to hate you and they can't handle it. Let that sink in, they, who hate you, can't handle you loving yourself because the standards of the world have always said that you shouldn't, so they don't. Can it still hurt? Abso-f*cking-lutely. Can it suck that your crush in school calls you a hog to your face and your choice is to cry or pull it together and attack verbally because you are not about to be suspended? Hell to the yea. But here we are, being represented anyway on the internet in a show that will definitely take off because in case you haven't been bombarded, the average size of a woman in the US is 14 or 16, can't remember at the moment but it's not a 2. There are more of us than they know what to do with so someone has decided that if you can't beat them, because let's be honest they can't keep us down if they tried, join them and realize that we are human and we are not going away. We are gorgeous. We are fashionable and stylish. We can and deserved to be loved for who we are regardless of our size. We will stand and bring each other up more than those who are determined to bring us down. 

So I will add that this to a couple other faves in my book that remind me that I'm here and need to live my best life with the good and bad because it's all I got:

Also a book - Just saying...

Gumption - nuff said

And it's a book. You can bet your butt I'm buying and reading!

Also thank you Marge, I sent you a DM about it, but I wanted to do it again because I've also not posted on my blog since, like, August and my first thought was to do this. I'm going to ride this euphoria as long as I can. Until I can get more up, look at some of my older stuff.

B3 is my motto - http://bit.ly/The3BBBz

Adulting - http://bit.ly/Adultwin

Follow me on Blogloving if you wanna - http://bit.ly/MyBloglovinPg

OR

on the Insta since it's back up - http://bit.ly/MyIgJazz

 

Bra Talk

There are days...... and then there are days where circumstances dictate what has to happen for that day. As a plus sized woman, there are certain standards that society will always be violated and for those that are offended, sorry your life sucks. It took me a long time to be comfortable with myself and every now and then, sometimes I gotta smack myself and remind myself that I’m fabulous. I had one of those moments this morning.

Aside from being B3 (Big, Bad, and Beautiful), I have always enjoyed the size of my chest, my bust, my rack of power if you will. I was a B cup in 6^th grade and have only leveled up from there. But like any great power comes greater responsibility and I take it very seriously in the bra department. These girls need the support to be properly and tastefully on display and for that, I don’t mind spending a decent amount of money on quality bras from Lane Bryant. Nothing against Victoria’s Secret, but they don’t carry my size in store and if I’m going to spend an arm and a possible leg on bras, I want to be able to try them on before I buy them so thank you Lane Bryant for taking my money willingly in exchange for great bras that don’t stop working and are pretty too.

Since learning about and dealing with my new disease, I’ve been trying to keep an open mind and a closed wallet, however, my biggest complaint about losing weight is that my bras don’t fit right. I prefer padded and underwired and anyone who wears this combo knows that if it doesn’t fit, you will most likely be in pain. And I have been because with all the changes happening to my body and lifestyle, I can’t afford to replace them and then find out that I’d need to change them again. So I went to the only store I would and could go to and made a choice to try a bandeau bra slash bralette.

maurices carries straight sizes and plus size bralettes!

I’ve seen them everywhere on the interwebs and they are all the rage, but I’ve always been under the impression that they weren’t for me because I’ve normally seen them on smaller women with smaller busts. Finding these in my size at maurices was a surprise and a sign to bite the bullet and not knock it til I try it, especially considering these cost, literally, a third of what I would pay for a regular bra.

With the inflammation in my joints, there are some days where I can’t put on a bra because my hands can’t and won’t grip it. So here I am trying these little barely padded, no wire, basically tube tops and half of me is wanting to smack myself for going out in public for fear of rejection and ridicule. The other half was the half I listened to because I was able to mentally smack myself harder with the fact that if it feels good and it looks good, then it could be a beautiful relationship.

This style is cute and probably the most comfortable thing to wear on my ta-tas

And guess what? As I'm writing this.... this is my first day not just wearing it in public, but at work in a professional atmosphere and so far it feels wonderful.  I’m comfortable and the girls aren’t going wild without wires. My mind is going, if it feels great now, what about in other outfits for regular wear like sleeveless, razorbacks, scoop necks, off the shoulder, spaghetti straps, etc????? The possibilities are endless so take it from me, take a chance and try it, whatever ‘it’ may be.



And in the mean time, catch up on some of my other posts....

Smell Good Stuff - http://bit.ly/2vT879v

June in Summertime - http://bit.ly/2uD9o4o

Modern Window Shopping - http://bit.ly/2sG527o

The Full Figure Picture Still Going Forward

http://weartv.com/news/local/local-boutique-saves-the-day-after-a-teen-is-fat-shamed

I came across ^^^ this article ^^^ on the facebook of a friend. I've never been to Florida or even heard of this store but this story really hit me in the feels.

Mother and daughter go to find a dress for Homecoming and the sales rep gives her the signature up and down look at her daughter and shuts her down. It may not have been a harsh as Regina George getting told to go to Sears after not fitting in a size 5, but trust me when I tell you that it feels like that and about 99 times worse. After getting nowhere with corporate, a boutique was able to find a fabulous solution.

Now Grace Tennyson, the author of the article, mentions that Megan regular wore junior size clothing in that store. In my mind, there really shouldn't have been an issue at a department store but in this case it was and Megan was shut down completely and publicly.

I remember having this moment in high school trying to find a dress for Homecoming my Senior Year. I was nominated for Homecoming Queen and so proper formal attire was required. Nothing made me more nervous because at that time there wasn't a store that carried plus size formal wear that I could afford. I could have tried the prom store but I wasn't about to ask my parents to fork over $400 for a dress that I couldn't try on and that option was more than likely plain black....Hell, I didn't even buy either of my prom dresses at the prom store, and online shopping wasn't an option with dial up.

Forgive the picture - It's the only one I have that's mainly full length and pretty sure it was taken on a 35mm film camera and I needed to hide my cousin for obvious reasons. But you get the point...

I was plus size then, and now, but I was also taller than the average girl so I already knew trying to find something floor length would also be slim to none. After driving 4 hours away to the city, I could only find one dress that was semi appropriate, though my dad hated it, and it required some adjustments on my body's part, the shapewear and the strategies to keep the gorgeous fishtail front from riding up too high when I walked. And I don't recall being helped by an associate at all. Not when I was grabbing the displays off the walls to check at the tags to pray that there was an XL. Not when my mom had multiple dresses thrown over her shoulder while I changed in the dressing room hating life because it was too short off the floor or too short and close to the lady bits or cut just low enough that the school would complain about my chest making a bigger appearance than me.

To be honest, I got lucky. I wasn't the only plus sized nominee that year and we all had the same problem whether we admit it or not. Now did we make it work? Of course because we do that and are used to it. I loved the dress and enjoyed the day. Have I worn it since? absolutely not. Just like my high school graduation dress which was also a bit too short and too low cut for a sundress and my prom dress was about 4 inches off the ground that I was able to buy off of a friend of the family who wore it as a bridesmaid dress. We made due with what we had.

Granted, Tennyson doesn't mention how much the dress was before or after the fitting but the important part is that someone cared enough to make this young lady feel special and beautiful whether she is considered a straight size or plus size. High school is hell enough whether we know it during or realize it years after. So for this owner, I tip my metaphorical hat and give you much applause because there's a lot of us women now, who weren't able to have that option then and those who still don't now. And yet, you made the effort to show that this girl should most definitely feel like a million bucks and the pictures in the article show her believing that she is worth the million bucks.

“I think that everyone is beautiful and should feel that way.” - Deborah West, owner of the boutique

It goes to show that there is progress out there. It still seems slower than molasses on a white Christmas morning most times, but it's still progress. Stories like this are the shining light of hope. We, as curvy or plus or full figured or the B3s, have some more options now that weren't there before and I know that it will grow even more so that less people, girls and boys and everyone in between, don't have moments like so many of us, including Megan, had. I hope that she went to Homecoming and rocked the ever living Hell out of that dress with the gusto that comes with feeling like a rock star.






If you'd like to check out some of my other posts, here's a few topics I cover that you can always find on Bloglovin:

http://bit.ly/MyBloglovinPg


Posts like this:

Operation Ducks in a Row - Relationships and Life - http://bit.ly/10GTWODIAR

Tag! How much is my face worth? - http://bit.ly/MyFaceis

10 Pokewalk Essentials (because I'm a nerd like that :] ) - http://bit.ly/10PokeWalk

Tales of the Tank (aka my Purse) My 50 Cal Clutch - http://bit.ly/TOTT50Cal

Lilly Pulitzer - Who's Shaming Who?

If you hadn’t heard already from the Twitter or on the news, there’s been a new wave of so-called fat shaming when it comes to this brand. But honestly in my opinion, I think there may have a point somewhere that’s missing.

To give a short version of a long and dramatic story, The Cut did a story and took a tour of the Lilly Pulitzer HQ. And snapped these pictures that were hanging in an employee’s cubicle. Cue the internet and cue the metaphorical shiz hitting the ceiling fan that was running on high.

(and obviously I don't own these pics) 

Now I can agree with every fiber of my bean (yes, bean) that these photos are not ok to be in a place of business. Does it reflect bad on the company? Absolutely. These were hung in plain sight and no one thought anything was wrong. And of course, they covered their butt when they said that it was an individual’s ‘decorations’ and don’t reflect the views of the company.

And why would they? They just had a deal with Target to offer plus sizes…online only. They were able to get well known bloggers on board to help with the angry herd that is constantly getting thrown out of stores and into the exclusive online store. I can say that I was pretty stoked for knowing about a line that would be a bit more affordable than some of the over options there, but yea. Online. Another mystery of measurements and size guessing. I don’t even have a local Target, I have to drive a couple hours away to get to one, like I do with the other stores that only offer online plus sizes or just aren’t close enough to me to try things on. Big woop. But the point is that I highly doubt that L.P. would purposely sabotage the projected progress they are trying to make.

Everyone is up in arms about these pictures and while I don’t blame them, I do think everyone needs to take a step back and really think about this situation. Was it pointed towards the plus size community in order to show true colors of the brand? I half way doubt it but honestly that’s just something we may never know for sure and even if that is what the general feels are about the b3 women of the world, what idiot would purposely leave that out? That would be a one way ticket out of that job if it was left up to me because like I said, they are trying to expand, even if it’s only online at Target. They are attempting to take that bungee jump of faith, these pictures essentially snap the line that keeps you alive. Businesses don’t do that on purpose.

I believe in the depths of my heart that a deeper issue lies within the company. Think about it. These are ‘decorations’ in an employee’s cubicle. That employee sees that all day, every day. The bigger issue is that this person is trying to reach out. It could be for help, for attention, for just someone to notice. We don’t know but what you do in your work space speaks volumes about you as a person and an employee. So to that employee, these pictures tell me that you hate yourself and your body. You don’t think you belong there. You don’t love you let alone where you work or what you are doing in life. This is not ok!!!

Any half-assed supervisor or even a cubicle neighbor should have done something. They don’t promote a good message or positive work environment. Just pointing them out to say hey, this isn’t a good idea would have been better than pretending it wasn’t there. Most places have some sort of counseling or guidance and a company as big as L.P. would have somewhere to go or someone to talk to and this employee needs that. This company needs to know what is going on with their employees. This isn’t a train wreck aftermath, this is someone watching someone else stuck on the tracks with the train a few miles out and yet they just set up the lawn chair facing the other direction. Or in plain English, This could have been prevented!

Everyone is up in arms about fat shaming that sometimes we forget that there are other victims out there who are still battling themselves. This person had this toxic message for themselves. How many of us have done that? For a good number of us, our lives were constant messages about how terrible we are for our size and that we should be ashamed. I know I did. I had my voice along with a string of people’s voices saying the worst and it eats you from the inside out. It’s not easy to get out of but it’s possible to get out of that mind set and to learn to love yourself. Isn’t that what our Plus Size Movement is about? Helping us love us for who we are regardless of our size? I think too many of us are missing that in this situation. 

Here’s one article about it that I got the most information from, so read it and maybe you’ll see what I see. And I hope that this troubled person gets some help and realizes that she (probably a she) is worthy of love and should love herself.

 http://www.businessinsider.com/lilly-pulitzer-fat-shaming-cartoons-2015-5

On A Scale of 1 - Even, I Can't Even

This past weekend I can't begin to tell you how excited I was. My boyfriend, knowing the nerd I am, decided we should go to a sing-a-long movie viewing of Pitch Perfect. Talk about aca-awesome. Not to mention it's our first trip of the year so it makes up for the few bad days I've already had. That night was nice, we ate, we drank, I sang my heart out and quoted nearly every word as did the rest of the room. Come to think of it I'll probably have a post about it a little later but for now.....

So the next day was just easy. Window shopped and did a little actual shopping, a little more than I should have, but then I ran into these at Forever 21. Stopped me dead in my tracks and now here we are.

My first initial thought was, "Is this some kind of joke?" I hoped and prayed it wasn't just on the plus size end and thankfully it wasn't. But honestly, how appealing are these? When did this become a thing and me apparently not get the memo?? They had a manikin or two dressed up in them where they tried to make it work and I give them kudos for trying but the only time I like wearing pants with an elastic waist band is in bed or at the gym. I know I'm lazy but this just takes it to a new level that is just beyond me.

I remember when I was younger and sometimes the only thing we could find to fit me were pants like this. But in my now, then, small town didn't have any resources let alone internet that wasn't dial up. Plus size clothes weren't where they are now and online shopping was all but the devil trying to get my parents card number and to top it off, dial-up. Nuff said. But the point is that I remember never feeling comfortable in them while everyone else in my class were wearing 'hip huggers'. I was already teased and ignored for being too smart and pants like this didn't help my twelve year old self to fit in.

Maybe it's just me and my bad memories of this but in my mind, fashion has come to far and yet things like this still make me feel like we are trying to be put back in our place. All I have to say about that is go ahead and try.

OMG I'm Fat....Really? Really now?

There's this thing that happens. Ten million times more than it should. And for some reason it's always around me. (And by me I mean anyone at a size 12+) It starts with one and spreads faster than yawning or the flu. The words are so few and yet soooo annoying causing actual nails to dig holes in the actual chalk board of the brain.

"I'm so fat."
Following up with, "I need to go on a diet, look at this gut." (proceed to poke skin)

We have all heard it from too many people to count, granted more from the girls rather than guys but the point is that it is heard. And a majority are relatively healthy or the type who like the affirmation from everyone else about how good they look.........

What they don't think about is how their 'self deprecating non-humor' affect the people around them. Something my mom always told me was that what you do affects everyone around you, not just you.
Every time I hear this, I'm always taken aback a little bit. If they think this way about themselves, how do they see me?

Then I found this...


Keywords, YOUR THOUGHTS. Not there's. We all get caught up in what others think of us and if you read my last post, you know that I've been swimming in it lately. But this conversation came up at work with some of the same people and it struck a nerve. A nerve that doesn't lead me to my dark bedroom under my covers with tissues. It's a nerve that strikes fire in my eyes from my temper that kind of brings me back to a sense of normalcy.

We all have our own issues with our bodies and that's our own business HOWEVER Comma, we as women should not tear ourselves down to bring someone else up. It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and what I have. I have my own things to work on but I don't broadcast it out to the world with my flaws because you know what? I have a body with curves, more curves than a lot of others, and you know what I am ok with that. I have top and bottom and stuff in between. I don't strive for a thigh gap or to fit in all the clothes on the runway. I will NOT feel worse about myself so someone else, known or not, can feel better about themselves. That's not my job.

I'm striving to return my happiness to myself. And that can only happen by me. The same way it can only happen to anyone. Too many times we are our own worst enemy and the 'I'm fat' things don't help one iota. We gotta take it back ladies. We need to be our own best friend, biggest cheer leader, and motivational back up.

The "Sexiest" Subway Commercial...yea right.

So if you haven't seen it or heard about it yet, you will. Besides the ebola crisis, the protests in China, and Isis running amok, what is grabbing the controversial scene is the new commercial from Subway.
 Take a look...

Sexy Subway Commercial via Youtube

I remember seeing it and thinking wow, someone needs to put that one clip from Mean Girls where Kady has her realization about the modern day Halloween night.

People are calling it sexist and size-ist. In some ways I can see that. The first thing that stood out to me was the line, "you guys are eating burgers?" As much as I hate it, people watch what each other eat all the time and even more so when they happen to be bigger than the magazine model. I try my best to not watch what my friends order but even I am guilty of it. People have commented on my choices with good intentions and usually met with unrealistic scenarios in my head, you know.

I love me some Subway, I don't feel terrible about eating there and I love fresh veggies on my sandwich and love even more that I don't have to make it. But this commercial kinda sucked. It reminded me that no I don't have the body to wear the classic 'sexy' costumes nor am I comfortable wearing a skirt that could turn into a free show at any breeze's whim outside. Halloween used to be super fun and it was about creativity and not who can show more skin without cosplay. I'll probably spend my Halloween with my boyfriend with awesome scary movies and handing out candy in the neighborhood I live in because even thought my town is a college town, it's not the whole town and some people have to go to work the morning after leaving no room for a hangover. Just sayin.

Everyone knows how important it is to be fit and healthy but sorry Subway, this was not the way to do it. It emphasizes, insert sarcasm, the 'need' to lose weight and the 'acceptable' form of sexy. It's not ok. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor, because the guy at the end in his viking costume made me laugh, but my overall feeling could best be summed up with a facepalm.

Being healthy does not mean being skinny just as being skinny doesn't mean you are healthy. Health and fitness isn't just about the size of the Halloween costume 'after summer', it's about taking the body you were born with and making sure it is the best it can be. It's not easy, everyone knows that. I, myself, struggle with it everyday.

So love it or hate it, there's my two cents.