Luscious Hair is Back!

Hello all. Allow me to introduce you to my soap box. It's no podium nor pedastal but it allows me to take that step up and project all the feels on a proper stage. It's not all bad or ranty I promise but sometimes there's a point that needs to be made and here's mine for today...

THANK YOU INTERNET!

Yes. Simply thank you to the internet. It's been almost a year since I was diagnosed with Lupus. My medications are doing their things but what I wanted to thank the internet for helping me regrow my hair. One of the biggest symptoms I had was hair loss. I trimmed my hair to help with the thinning and essentially just had to be patient. Thus came the internet and research. Between straight up Googling, Youtube vloggers and the Blogosphere, I was able to find the help to get my hair back.

MEANWHILE...

 I'd gone to a couple hair salons in the last year. When I trimmed my hair before I was diagnosed, I told the girl I had started going to that I wasn't sure what was happening. She tried to say that she didn't really see the difference and that was that. After I came back from the edge I really noticed how much hair I lost and tried to get some kind of shaping done so that way I didn't really look like a sick person who lost a lot of hair, especially at work. I had one really overpriced trim and recently a better trim by two different hair stylists.... ladie....., people who cut and handle hair for a living and I asked them about what they would recommend for volume, hair growth, hair health, etc and literally had a deer in the headlights expression from both.

First came back to work with the least amount of hair (before)

Almost 8 months later (after) Still a ways to go but it's a bit fuller now

And honestly, it's disheartening because I'm not going to this professional to get my hair done for prom or to drop some dollars for highlights or extensions, I am actually wanting help with my hair. With both trips I explained, I got really sick and lost a lot of hair, how can I help it and how can I maintain the hair I have? I guess I expected to find a great person who was like Queen Latifah in Beauty Shop where she's suggesting vitamins, products, advise....yes I know it's a movie. But I would think that when you work in the industry, you'd have an idea or even a direction to go in.

Gotta love that wood pannel right?

The only person who actually physically, in person, gave me some help was actually my mom's coworker. Love her and her concern. She found the dermachange shampoo and conditioner that I've been using and so far it's been great and I've noticed a difference. It's gentle and cleansing and leaves my hair feeling soft and smooth instead of straw.

So thank you internet, and thank you people on the internet who led me to castor oil, biotin, and other products that have helped me regrow my hair and now I feel that my hair is full again. It's still short but an even short. A full short and now I can really say that I feel a bit more like me.

On the other hand, if you have any other suggestions for hair health...
let a girl know on the hurry up side please!!!!


Check out some of my other posts...

My best of 2017 - http://bit.ly/17BestYa
Smell Good Stuff - http://bit.ly/2vT879v
Boyfriend Valentine Gift Ideas - http://bit.ly/10BFGifts

B3 - Big, Bad, and Beautiful

So even though I've had this blog up for a bit, I still feel like I'm really new. One thing I know I'm still working on is my niche, my thang, my spot in the blogosphere. While I think that will still be a work in process, I know one thing that I can look to and that is the B3.

My aunt actually came up with this a long time ago and it has stuck with me. She said girls like us are Big, Bad, and Beautiful. And as someone who has kinda been an outlier to societies standard, it was really awesome to have someone say that yes, you're taller and a bit bigger than the average girl but that is ok because you are fierce and strong. I've taking those and looked at the women in my life, my mom, aunts on both sides, grandmas, and it needs to be said.

I am not a small woman; seriously, the smallest things about my body are my ears. I've known it my whole life, people have pointed it out to me in a backhanded compliment or just straight up rude comment or a seemingly innocent comment about when I'm due.

I have this friend and to be honest she's one of my best friends; she's the bubbliest person I know with a shape to kill for. She encountered a comment from a guy about her size and was told she should be ashamed of her body and she just took it and said how dare you?! I'm rocking my body because I love it.

Me being the kind of person I am, was like gimme da signal and you have back up STAT but she said no, she wasn't gonna let one person's opinion affect how she sees herself and the world. THAT is being Big, Bad, and Beautiful. Love yourself, stand up for yourself and let your sparkle shine.

I may not know where my niche will come from in order to point my blog in that direction but it will revolve around the three B's and I hope you'll come on this journey with me. 







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My last post on July's awesomeness http://bit.ly/DJuly16Faves

For all my fellow nerds http://bit.ly/10PokeWalk

Equal Pay Day Plus a Couple Thoughts

Just a comment or three about today. If you've been on social media at all, you'll know that today is Equal Pay Day. An estimated time frame to show that since we are 102 days into the new year, that women's pay catches up to where men ended last year. I must say that I have a few comments on that as well. It is said that women make on average 77 cents to every white male's dollar, however comma, that is for a white female. Women of color tend to face a larger pay gap. According to a piece I read from Cosmopolitan magazine by Jill Filipovic,

"It's a ubiquitous statistic: Women make 79 cents for every dollar a man makes. African-American women make 65 cents, Native America women 59, and Latinas just 54 cents to a white man's dollar."

While the gap is shocking, it's really not surprising. Equal rights is always a touchy subject for everyone but women's rights have been a topic of controversy since we were 'granted' the right to vote. Now I'll be honest when I say that I'm not sure if I've been a victim of the pay gap because I work for a corporation that tends to pay by the position and not necessarily by the name of the person in the position. There's been different ups and downs with my work story the size of the Rocky Mountains but even before I got into the workforce, I remember my mom telling me,

"You'll have to work twice as hard because you have two strikes against you. 1. You're female and 2. You're Hispanic."

She warned me about this because I know that she's had some pay discrimination in her life for more reasons than just gender and race. She didn't want me to be caught off guard about how the world has worked for so long and I'm not.

And now in these recent years, it's nice to see how it's being put out there and how narrow minded people really are. Education and time off for families and experience are honestly some bull sh!t excuses that some tend to play around with on how much affects the pay gap and some even claim that the gap doesn't exist. But on the other side, if women do really well then they are the bossy devil b!tch in Prada.

"Ok she's tough, but if Miranda were a man, noone would notice anything about her except how great she is at her job" ~The Devil Wears Prada

 Apparently there is no middle to women in the workplace. Apparently there seems to be gap in more than one place. So to the doubters and nay-sayers, do whatever helps you sleep at night because just because you don't believe it's this bad or you doubt the gap even exists, it does. It may be bigger in a lot of places and not as big in others, but the gap itself still remains.

This topic hangs in the back of my mind at times and ends up mentally listed in a few of my life choices like building a savings. Because with a lesser pay in places, there's less for retirement and less received in Social Security because there's not always enough paid in during the working years. It's not always about the here and now but it's over time and you learn that a lot of things, like your pay, will affect more that just your bank account and current livelihood










What else have I learned? Look at my last post on what else I've learned in the past 25 years of life.

Calm Your Tits! Seriously...

Ok so I need to get this out because somebody out in the interweb of haterland let their cheese slide off their cracker. I came across a post that I initially just gazed and scrolled and immediately had to take a double take and scroll back.

Reasons why small boobs are better than big boobs

Insult me all you want but when you start talkin about the girls, the Rottweilers with no names, the tata’s, the balls that are bigger than guy’s balls then you’ve just insulted my soul. I was ready to tear this stupid post apart! But honestly their arguments had no meat to it. (pun intended)

Their supposed reasons to shame the chests that hold the power to the universe included remarks like:

·       You can wear different bras – obviously notating the lack of variety that tends to be in larger sizes (who would have thought about that). My solution is stop trying to find bras at Wal-Mart. Victoria Secret doesn’t carry my bra size but I invest my hard working money into wonderful, quality, beautiful, patterned, solid, nude, lacy and racy bras from Lane Bryant and am really wanting to try the bras at Torrid.

·      Popping out- busty girls like myself always get this. Because some of us are more endowed than others, we automatically become unclassy, unprofessional and/or cheap when it comes to rocking a low cut anything. And then there are times where it’s not low cut and they can still runneth over, but most times that’s not the plan.  All I can say is that if I want you to see them, then you’ll see them. That doesn’t make me ‘whorrable’, it’s confidence.

·       Perky – noting that gravity is terrible and causes a lot of changes to take place throughout life. But here’s the kicker about this guys. Over time, we become older and all of us tends to sag in places we don’t want them too. (and if you didn’t read this with sarcasm, take a second and reread it please) It’s about health. If you take care of your ta ta’s when you’re younger along with the rest of yourself, then you’ll be just fine. My grandmothers are in their seventies and saggy girls are not an option.

·         Man attention – the particular caption was in reference to the distracting nature of the glorious beasts and the effects they can have on the opposite sex. But trying to say that I can never get a guy to make eye contact with me because he’s looking at my chest is like saying that a movie is better than the book it was based off of. Sometimes they stare yes, and sometimes they don’t. But last I checked, for those who stared, it was because you have breasts and carry two X chromosomes. I won’t lie to you and say that bigger boobs won’t get more attention, but another way to see it is that you gots da power! Over yourself, over that particular situation, over whether to get offended or to turn the tables in your favor.

·         Hard Life – throwing in struggles about back problems, the horrors of sports bras. And unfortunately yes there are women everywhere who struggle with their chest area. Some can afford to change that and some just make it with the hand they’re dealt. Sports bras are necessary for workouts or really anywhere that the dogs gotta be tied down. I don’t know of any woman with big or small titties that works out without one. There is a place and time to be wild and free, and the gym is not one of those times.

I got through the entire post with a giant ? on top of my head. Big boobs aren’t a death sentence and neither are small boobs. People with boobs have these problems regardless of size. So I really don’t know if maybe some sights are just really struggling for something to grab attention or what, but really internet, be original. If you want to bring the busty chests down to bring the small boobies up, don’t because they’re equal in the amount of pros and cons. There are people with bulldogs who’d rather have Chihuahuas and vise versa. I, myself, have always loved my bust. I weep for the breast cancer survivors because I can’t imagine my life without my chest and they do it every single day. I tip my hat and heart to them and to this dumb post, I can’t even bring myself to post the link, because obviously whoever is writing for you has some self-confidence issues. Put on some Demi with her Confident song and get over it and love what your mama gave ya.

An Open Letter To People in Customer Mode

Dear society in customer mode,

It’s that time of year again, even though Thanksgiving has already been forgotten, the Christmas music is playing in stores, the coupons and discounts are flooding in, and finances are being evaluated to take the shopping hits. As someone who works in customer service, part of me is excited and the other part is dreading it. The holiday season hits every industry in some way and on the front lines are all the employees who work in customer service. For some, the hours are longer, the inventory is bigger, and for even more the backlash is semi and not-so-semi hostile.

eCard brought to you by the power of Google 

I just ask that you remember that the employees who are helping you in your daily life are people too. We also go from employee mode to customer mode. The people I know in the food industry tip more than those who have never been. The people I know in the traditional retail industry have looked up extra coupons for friends, family, and people they don’t even know. The people who are working on the financial portion sometimes can’t get out of employee mode when they are off the clock because they are a face tied to that industry and are apparently not busy since they are in street clothes.

Google knows where the feels are

What I am trying to say is that we know it can feel like Hell because we’ve been there on both ends. But we are still people. Being in customer mode does not make you entitled because no, the customer is not always right. And no, the employee may not have all the answers, but you can bet that they will do their best to find out or to find someone who knows. So yelling about how we know nothing about our job and making everyone else nervous doesn’t make the employees or the company look bad, it just makes you look like an idiotic a$$. Because do you really think if we were stealing, that we would be working? If we really didn’t know what we were doing, what makes you the expert because unless you are currently an employee at that particular company, then you really don't know. (Policies and procedures tend to change in varying degrees only all the time anyway.)

Let's face it, Google knows

I know it’s not every customer, and I also know that not every employee is the Employee of the Month, but seriously take a look at yourself in the mirror and remember what kind of person you are. Because how you treat those that are there to help you, will show more about you as a person than the gift you buy for Christmas, or Easter, or the Fourth of July, or someone’s birthday.

Sincerely,

A person in employee mode.

Operation Ducks in a Row - Stop Complaining.

I had a great conversation with a friend of mine a while back. It had been quite a while since we had some wine and chat. She’s the Carrie to my Samantha. Lots of good views and some opposing but the biggest one we came out of was about how much we, as people in general, complain. We complain about our size, about losing weight, about gaining weight, about work and just life in a ton of aspects.

The fact is that bad habits take forever to die. Good habits are essentially the devil when it comes to setting up. A characteristic of my generation is that we are lazy, and in a lot of instances, entitled. A lot of times those are true. I won’t lie and say I’m not because I am pretty dang lazy and a bit spoiled. But I’m working on it. But in order to do that, must handle the problem of lazy habits.

Aside from all the negativity that complaining brings about, it’s still just talk. And if that is one guaranteed thing, we talk. Everyone can talk and a lot can talk the talk. But without the walk, it’s nothing. It means nothing except that your complaining is just whining which gets annoying very quickly. Haven’t you had those moments where even you get on your own nerves because I sooo have and it’s not cute nor is it productive.

I decided to take this into Operation Ducks in a Row. My mom always said that actions speak louder than words. But like any kid to their parent, everything sounds different either when someone else says it or if you figure it out by yourself. Actions mean more than vocal promises, just look at New Year’s resolutions. But when you are deciding on life changes, then you actually have to do something about it. If you want to complain about your current size, then what are you going to do about it? If you are complaining about work, then what actions will you take to change it?

It was a great discussion that night that had me thinking back to a lot of the things I complain about. 

My biggest issues at hand, I believe, are my house, work, and some adjustments I want to make to my physical figure. So from this conversation, I’ve started making mental lists and action plans about how to go from where I am now to where I want to go. For example, on the housing front, that means actually doing research to see what other housing options there are or whether it’s best to stay where I am. Effort is kind of a must and some days it’s harder to pull out than others but honestly, if I can put half as much effort into resolving my issues as I do in complaining about the multiple reasons nothing works, then what is the point??

The bottom line that we agreed on that night is that if you aren’t going to change anything then stop complaining about it. Not saying that it’s become a mission to point that out to everyone who’s complaining but if it can get the thought process going, then maybe it’s time to put in a little tough love to ourselves and to those around us not because we’re bullies or trying to offend anyone, but to get the mental gears turning and do it. Like my wonderful voice professor always said, there is no try only do. Try is a state of mind and a terribly excuse while doing is an action. Doing will initiate progress and knowledge and eventually the goal will be reached.

Read on to see my other ducks that are coming in line...
Store Cards
Savings
Downsizing

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It's Ok, I'm Not Offended

With all the talk lately about Plus is Equal and body shaming, I can’t honestly say that it has had a huge effect on me. I completely support these movements and all, but the fact remains is that it is just emphasized on specific parts of the country, the coast. Sadly where I live, important topics are important but the hottest topic that usually goes around town are politics, religion, and work. Size, I believe is one of those things where it should not be brought up in polite conversation.

The other day though, I encountered something that made me take a step back and think. It’s no secret that I’m the biggest person at work. It’s something that I’ve noticed since day 1, but I’m also the tallest standing at 5 foot 10 with flats on. I’ve had my fair share of customers shamelessly asking when I’m due or what I’m having. It just comes with the territory but it does bug the living hell out of me. That’s when I look them directly in the eye and tell them that I’m not pregnant, I’m just that big. Insert the washing of embarrassment and shame and queue the immediate walking away. I’d like to say that I’m just fat, but I don’t think that would be very professional, however it has almost slipped out. But the bottom line is that it’s just rude, like asking about a woman’s age, you just don’t do it.

Back to the event, I was helping a customer like normal. Wasn’t a huge deal and one of my managers came in to deliver some paperwork. They know each other and so while I was working on his stuff, he struck up a conversation with her. There was the typical polite conversation, questions about how things are going and the family. Then he just stops and looks her up and down and tells her that she looks like she’s lost weight. We, both, have a bit of a surprised face and I quickly go back to my work. Now he’s wanting to know what she’s been doing and how much she’s lost because she’s looking good and every passing second, we both are uncomfortable.

She goes to tell him that it’s unwanted weight loss, how she’s afraid she’s getting sick, like dire-something-is-wrong sick. Explains doctor’s visits and everything because losing weight is not what she wants and it is really worrying her. She's female, of course she has issues with her size, what woman doesn't? We all have something that we think would be better. I'm very much at peace with my size, but even with my own body confidence, there are some problem areas to me. Big girls have them, small girls have them, every one has them, even guys. 

At the end of the day, she says that she needs to speak to me about what had happened. I didn’t get it because if anything I should have apologized for the guy's rudeness. But after all, I think she felt bad about her losing weight and the whole conversation around me, where it’s obvious that I don’t have a lot of luck in the losing weight department. I was like no, no, you’re ok. I know how you feel about it and the whole thing was just rude to you. I don’t think I said it but I do hope that she knows that it’s ok that she wants to be the size she wants and even more so that she's healthy. 

Being happy with yourself and being healthy is so much more important than the vanity. She was made fun of for being thin, I was for being big. Two sides of the same coin, and yet most people would think that having trouble gaining weight is more of a blessing, and maybe to some it is but for a lot of others, it's the opposite. We’ve all got our things and we have built a thick skin to not particularly be outright offended. But a big thing about ‘Murica is that everyone is quick to cry ‘offended’ and ‘bullying’ and ‘shaming’. We got our big girl panties on and are grown women. I can understand not wanting to offend someone by saying something in the wrong way or it comes out weird that so many would just jump on, but while there are too many people out there wanting apologies for every opinion, I’m ok. Thanks for the consideration, but we have other things to worry about.



(On the other hand, if you aren't happy then do something about it, don't complain)

So Cosmo is Porn

If you haven’t seen it on the twitter-verse here’s a link from the Huffington post about what is apparently going on with some stores that carry the magazine. Long story short in not much nicer words with a dash of sarcasm, is that the magazine is the pornographic devil. If you read this with the movie appropriate accent, congrats you read it correctly.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/cosmopolitan-magazine-wrapper_55bbd005e4b0d4f33a02d9ca?ncid=tweetlnkushpmg00000050

The “National Center for Sexual Exploitation” feels to me like the One Million Moms organization, a bit overrated. You want to be again sexual exploitation, great, there’s a ton out there but if you honestly think that the heart and soul of Cosmopolitan Magazine is out to steer people into the fiery depths of hell for talking about sex, then you obviously are talking without ever opening the magazine, let alone reading the articles.

Is there an emphasis on sex? Yes. Is it possible that it could be about different types, positions and what not? Yes. Is it all about pleasuring him? NO. Is it all about sex? NO. Does it in fact touch on topics like sexual exploitation and the struggles that women, and even people in general, do about sexual assault? Yes.

Cosmo talks about the topics that people don’t like to talk about. They bring into light some of the ugly realities that plague the world we live in whether it be overseas or on US college campuses. If you had looked on the cover that is in the Huffington post article, I won’t deny yes there are articles plastered all over the cover about sex, pleasuring yourself because God forbid that a woman have a sexual desire, pleasuring your partner because it’s all about him and not about the control you as a woman has over him that drives him crazy and makes you feel on top of the world. Giving you that confidence that pushes you to do better in other aspects of your life because that is unheard of. And if you look in the corner of the cover, the title “Are You Letting Your Dream Life Get Away?” Contrary to popular belief, it’s not all about sex.

Thank you for the gif via le Google and imoviequotes

It sucks that sex is vilified as much as it is. It’s dirty and shameful and because we are women, it makes it so much worse. Women are fearing being taken to different countries to be sold in the sex trade or suffering through FGM. But really, the issue is that this magazine talking about steering the children of the world into a dangerous lifestyle. But honestly, NCSE what about the pressure on the parents?

I don’t about ya’ll (yes my region is showing), but if my mom didn’t want me to listen to Tupac, I didn’t know who he was until high school. If I was listening to music at home, it was not allowed to have audible curse words. If a movie on TV was rated R, she would give me the look and yes let me watch Scary Movie, but I knew the when and where and what NOT to watch, hear, or especially repeat. I didn’t even start reading Cosmo until I got into college, not because it was ‘dirty’ but I wanted to know what else was in the world. 

The purpose of media is to discuss, educate, and share opinions but because everyone and their dog’s organization is offended and moral, everything besides what specific people like is wrong. So NCSE, if you feel that Cosmo needs a blinder like Playboy, go ahead and make your points and pressure more stores to put that magazine on the shame shelf. But realize what else you’re doing? How long until the goal is for the Republican mother of American history come back or as my mom and I like to say, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.

Bottom line is that we as women are so much more that for reproducing, for the nurturing and putting ourselves last. There are movements going on to progress gender equality, the paygap, sexual confidence, body confidence and while the media and the world has a way to go, it’s a start. It’s a start because we need more. More confidence and education about not being afraid of life because it’s beautiful at any size, it’s different from person to person when it comes to their love life and if it’s a journey that can be taken with the person you love, then it’s not just you alone.

I have a couple guy friends, who are straight, who read Cosmo because they are genuinely curious to see what we read about and what could be going in our minds. They want to know and they, too, want to please their women too, but who hears about that because that’s not what Cosmo is for right? Does anyone remember the video that went viral about the amount of differences between porn and actual sex. People of various ages still are turning to porn for the education that they aren’t getting from friends, family, or education. Save time with the computer viruses from going to shady sites of the no-no square and pick up some Cosmo. And with all the sass I can muster, Learn you some life and love.

Too Young? Take a Double Take

I saw this mini post from Fashionista and I couldn’t stay away. There’s apparently a lot of controversy over it and I really wish there was more to the article than there was, but on the other hand, it does leave a lot open for discussion. Oh internet, gotta love it.

Mario Dedivanovic is a celebrity makeup artist, notably for Kim Kardashian but she’s not important. The key words are Celebrity MakeUp Artist. As in he gets paid high dollar for artistic work in the form of makeup. So he does have an idea of what good makeup is. He knows what he's talking about when looking at the picture, which of course, blew up on le Instagram.

Honestly, I can kind of see how this can be taken the wrong way. I attribute that, partially, to living in a conservative part of the country but I’m also from a close traditional Hispanic family. Children are supposed to be innocent and little and I’m all for stalling the adulthood process. However, I don’t have kids and I see this in a different way and from looking at some of the comments, so do a lot of other people.

I started dancing at 5. I did ballet, tap, jazz, my personal favorite being ballet folklorico so any time we had a performance, there my mom was putting on my makeup. Now as a five year old looking at myself in full coverage cakey paint with red marks on my cheeks and my most hated enemy…. the black stuff on my eye lashes that never completely came out until I washed my face a dozen times. And it was expected for it to be weird and eventually annoying because yes, I was a child. But it was so worth it and it came with the gig. As I grew older I got used to it and learned how to do it myself, however comma, that was the only time I was allowed to wear it.

My family is definitely on the old fashioned side. I was lucky when I could shave my legs at the age of twelve and that is because I was so intimidated by everyone in my class who wore shorts and dresses and I honestly only ever wore pants because I wasn't allowed to shave my legs. I pushed some of the boundaries in junior high with some light eye shadow and the only mascara I was allowed to use was a clear one from some tween brand that doesn’t even exist anymore. But 15 was the magic number. Then I could wear makeup on a daily basis, do my eyebrows, date, the possibilities were endless. Did it suck getting there? Of course it did, puberty sucks for everyone.

Bringing it back to this controversial photo, I think that people forget that there are differences between my dance makeup story at five as a regular person who had no idea what the internet was at that time and this child model getting makeup applied by a makeup artist for a professional photo shoot. Now Mario did not do this look on the little model. He posted a picture of artistic work from his industry. This young girl obviously had a real life job to do and she did it fantastically and is looking cute and glamorous and confident, which is probably where the 'future daughter' part comes from.

The argument could be made that it is spreading the idea of over sexualizing girls and they are just getting younger and younger but forced to grow up. There’s the fighting over pageant girls who look like tiny adults but even look that the comparison sample via google images. 

Are their similarities? Yes and why is that? Because they are performing! Whether it be pageants, dance recitals, modeling, or making movies require makeup and when it comes to photos they also require editing. That's just how it is. When someone is getting paid and especially paid well, then they are going to bring out their best work. Whether or not, someone goes overboard on the photoshop is a different can of worms. All that being said, it should be obvious that these kids do not go out every day like this. 

The fact remains that there was a job to be done and that’s how child stars are born. Mario Dedivanovic isn’t saying that all little girls should rock a winged eyeliner with a super cute lip. And honestly, if you think that is what is happening, then reconsider having kids or if you do have kids, then it’s up to you to show them otherwise. There's more than 'face value' so to speak so before you get offended, just think about it a minute before writing up a petition.

Phat Girls

Ok ready the soap box ladies, I need to ascend. Now I understand that due to technology and laziness, the human mind has a tendency to go blahhhhhhh *cue drool*. So many people do not have an imagination or just are at a lack of words. I can’t narrow that down to just men, because it’s women too. Maybe it’s because I see myself as creative or maybe I’m just a smart a$$, but I’ve also seen where different people, especially women, don’t approve of being described as plus size. It’s a matter of preference, yes, but I am also not the type of person to say don’t call me fat because it’s bullying or offensive.

Honestly, I don’t know why some people don’t like to be called plus size, but I can only imagine that it goes hand in hand with my distaste for the description of “chubby”.  When I hear chubby, I picture a child or toddler who hasn’t lost their baby fat or a kid who doesn’t know better. It’s also said to me with a tone of pity and shame and I’m not ok with that. I know I have mentioned it before about being the biggest woman at work, that’s a given. It’s not a shame, it just is. So when I ask customers if they remember which person they talked to, it’s either the lady in the big office, the corner office, the one in the middle and the chubby one…..see the difference yet???

I understand that my size is the first thing people see when they see me, but come one people! Have you no other way to describe a person? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a customer to call up and describe me as bodacious or voluptuous, because that is super weird and creepy. I know I’m big, you know I’m big. If you feel the need to address someone by their size, keep it short and simple, say big or bigger. It’s not derogatory, it just is. I’m big, as captain obvious may say, so don’t think you’re doing anyone favors when dancing around words and round arm gestures to describe a person. Open up a thesaurus for crying out loud.

Just for Your FYI - I'm Not Your Bae - Torrid

This wonderful outfit from Torrid is fabulous and would be the only way I would acknowledge the word bae. I was never a fan of it and was one of those people who had to look it up when I heard it. (No shame or judgement) and what I found is that bae is Danish for poop, feces, crap shit, etc.
Urban dictionary defines it as a phrase of endearment as an acronym for 'Before Anyone Else'. Now maybe I'm just a English type person who tries her best to speak or write grammatically correct and fully understands that we all occasionally have a brain fart or three, but other people don't and it makes me question their IQ. 

Call it judgmental, call it stuck up, call me whatever you'd like but I didn't go to school to be called someone's crap or before anyone else. Since most tend to use it as a noun, it makes for sense to use it in the denotative state rather than the alternative. 

So in the end, kudos to Torrid for making me smile. That's all.

On A Scale of 1 - Even, I Can't Even

This past weekend I can't begin to tell you how excited I was. My boyfriend, knowing the nerd I am, decided we should go to a sing-a-long movie viewing of Pitch Perfect. Talk about aca-awesome. Not to mention it's our first trip of the year so it makes up for the few bad days I've already had. That night was nice, we ate, we drank, I sang my heart out and quoted nearly every word as did the rest of the room. Come to think of it I'll probably have a post about it a little later but for now.....

So the next day was just easy. Window shopped and did a little actual shopping, a little more than I should have, but then I ran into these at Forever 21. Stopped me dead in my tracks and now here we are.

My first initial thought was, "Is this some kind of joke?" I hoped and prayed it wasn't just on the plus size end and thankfully it wasn't. But honestly, how appealing are these? When did this become a thing and me apparently not get the memo?? They had a manikin or two dressed up in them where they tried to make it work and I give them kudos for trying but the only time I like wearing pants with an elastic waist band is in bed or at the gym. I know I'm lazy but this just takes it to a new level that is just beyond me.

I remember when I was younger and sometimes the only thing we could find to fit me were pants like this. But in my now, then, small town didn't have any resources let alone internet that wasn't dial up. Plus size clothes weren't where they are now and online shopping was all but the devil trying to get my parents card number and to top it off, dial-up. Nuff said. But the point is that I remember never feeling comfortable in them while everyone else in my class were wearing 'hip huggers'. I was already teased and ignored for being too smart and pants like this didn't help my twelve year old self to fit in.

Maybe it's just me and my bad memories of this but in my mind, fashion has come to far and yet things like this still make me feel like we are trying to be put back in our place. All I have to say about that is go ahead and try.

Apples to Apples

So this is one of those times where I'm alone in my head with my thoughts. Most times it's dangerous just like it would be for anyone else, but there is a plus side to it. You find out a lot of things that normally are literally in front of you but you never actually saw it. So in the midst of it all there are some revelations about who we are and how we see ourselves.

To stop beating around the bush, for those who know me it makes sense and for those that don't, you'll find I mention social media occasionally but I love it. Seriously, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest, Tumblr, etc, I got it. Many for different reasons but yes, I'm that person. Facebook keeps me in touch with peeps I know or knew. Twitter lets me know what's going on in the world. Instagram and Tumblr let me be as vain as I allow (yes Lady Gaga reference) and find other people's point of view. If you have to ask me about Pinterest, you don't have one and should go get one.

But I think that especially as a girl, we have a tendency to go thru everything and play apples to apples between our lives and those online, whether they are friends or family or celebrities, we do it. Part of it could be that it has been done throughout life from friends and family or if it's just a tendency of our current society. With our luck, it's both. I'm sure guys do it too but right now, that is not the point. I found myself going thru profiles, posts, and pictures of many a people thru my social media outlets and had to physically stop myself and say out loud, why am I doing this to myself?!?!?!?!

I compared, especially with people I've known forever, where they are and where I am. Result was a draw. What they looked like then and now, and of course they won. And it was because they are fitter, their room in the background of their selfies are spotless, they've traveled or have had some drastic life events that have turned life into their favor. And while I can say that I am genuinely happy for them and their happiness, I tore myself apart and have already kicked myself in the butt for doing that. OBVIOUSLY something needs to change and it starts not tomorrow, not Monday, it starts TODAY!

Yes, my previous roommates will tell you that I am messy. I am a firm practitioner of organized chaos and on occasion it will fall out of that and then I really know it's a problem to fix. I am obviously a person with bad habits when it comes to life and decisions. I have many good ones, don't get me wrong, but given the choice between doing something tomorrow and sleeping or hanging out today, there isn't a choice.

I will forever be a continuous work in progress when it comes to my life, my health, and my happiness. Writing this here really helps me put it into perspective and hold myself accountable because these toxic trends cannot happen anymore. I have to fight. We all have to fight. There's so much that just gets pushed aside that deep down bothers us to no end and it's not going to change unless something is done. So now I tell you here and now, that I am going to start doing. Not trying but doing. No more apples to apples. I'm in my own fantastic basket of sequins and glitter and it's time to start shining.

OMG I'm Fat....Really? Really now?

There's this thing that happens. Ten million times more than it should. And for some reason it's always around me. (And by me I mean anyone at a size 12+) It starts with one and spreads faster than yawning or the flu. The words are so few and yet soooo annoying causing actual nails to dig holes in the actual chalk board of the brain.

"I'm so fat."
Following up with, "I need to go on a diet, look at this gut." (proceed to poke skin)

We have all heard it from too many people to count, granted more from the girls rather than guys but the point is that it is heard. And a majority are relatively healthy or the type who like the affirmation from everyone else about how good they look.........

What they don't think about is how their 'self deprecating non-humor' affect the people around them. Something my mom always told me was that what you do affects everyone around you, not just you.
Every time I hear this, I'm always taken aback a little bit. If they think this way about themselves, how do they see me?

Then I found this...


Keywords, YOUR THOUGHTS. Not there's. We all get caught up in what others think of us and if you read my last post, you know that I've been swimming in it lately. But this conversation came up at work with some of the same people and it struck a nerve. A nerve that doesn't lead me to my dark bedroom under my covers with tissues. It's a nerve that strikes fire in my eyes from my temper that kind of brings me back to a sense of normalcy.

We all have our own issues with our bodies and that's our own business HOWEVER Comma, we as women should not tear ourselves down to bring someone else up. It took me a long time to be comfortable with who I am and what I have. I have my own things to work on but I don't broadcast it out to the world with my flaws because you know what? I have a body with curves, more curves than a lot of others, and you know what I am ok with that. I have top and bottom and stuff in between. I don't strive for a thigh gap or to fit in all the clothes on the runway. I will NOT feel worse about myself so someone else, known or not, can feel better about themselves. That's not my job.

I'm striving to return my happiness to myself. And that can only happen by me. The same way it can only happen to anyone. Too many times we are our own worst enemy and the 'I'm fat' things don't help one iota. We gotta take it back ladies. We need to be our own best friend, biggest cheer leader, and motivational back up.

The "Sexiest" Subway Commercial...yea right.

So if you haven't seen it or heard about it yet, you will. Besides the ebola crisis, the protests in China, and Isis running amok, what is grabbing the controversial scene is the new commercial from Subway.
 Take a look...

Sexy Subway Commercial via Youtube

I remember seeing it and thinking wow, someone needs to put that one clip from Mean Girls where Kady has her realization about the modern day Halloween night.

People are calling it sexist and size-ist. In some ways I can see that. The first thing that stood out to me was the line, "you guys are eating burgers?" As much as I hate it, people watch what each other eat all the time and even more so when they happen to be bigger than the magazine model. I try my best to not watch what my friends order but even I am guilty of it. People have commented on my choices with good intentions and usually met with unrealistic scenarios in my head, you know.

I love me some Subway, I don't feel terrible about eating there and I love fresh veggies on my sandwich and love even more that I don't have to make it. But this commercial kinda sucked. It reminded me that no I don't have the body to wear the classic 'sexy' costumes nor am I comfortable wearing a skirt that could turn into a free show at any breeze's whim outside. Halloween used to be super fun and it was about creativity and not who can show more skin without cosplay. I'll probably spend my Halloween with my boyfriend with awesome scary movies and handing out candy in the neighborhood I live in because even thought my town is a college town, it's not the whole town and some people have to go to work the morning after leaving no room for a hangover. Just sayin.

Everyone knows how important it is to be fit and healthy but sorry Subway, this was not the way to do it. It emphasizes, insert sarcasm, the 'need' to lose weight and the 'acceptable' form of sexy. It's not ok. It's not that I don't have a sense of humor, because the guy at the end in his viking costume made me laugh, but my overall feeling could best be summed up with a facepalm.

Being healthy does not mean being skinny just as being skinny doesn't mean you are healthy. Health and fitness isn't just about the size of the Halloween costume 'after summer', it's about taking the body you were born with and making sure it is the best it can be. It's not easy, everyone knows that. I, myself, struggle with it everyday.

So love it or hate it, there's my two cents.

PROOF That Plus Size Women Buy Designer

I've been pretty excited lately, 1. Because it's raining and 2. Because my sister got engaged. She and my future brother-in-law (who I've called my in-law forever anyway) have been together ten years. *Que Charlotte's scream from SATC movie* It's a huge deal. She's the first of the four of us to go into this stage of life.

He proposed while they were taking 10 year anniversary photos in Philly. (because they decided they wanted to leave us out west. lol)

You can't deny that she is beautiful

She shopped and shopped for an outfit, and as a wonderful B3 woman, using her eastern resources to find this gorgeous dress from IGIGI. Anyone who has ever looked at their website knows that this is not a 20 or even a 50 dollar dress. This was a couple hundred dollars. IGIGI is a great brand for B3 style clothing with a designer price tag to go on it. But my sister loves it, rocks it, and is planning on buying more.

It totally contradicts the general notion that Fashionista.com informed the world of. Here's the link to that. (PS she's awesome)

http://fashionista.com/2014/08/plus-size-women-problems

She writes about how so many say that plus size women will generally buy the cheap unflattering clothing or focus on losing weight and just not buying great pieces or clothing that they love. Now I can't say that there are not people like that in the world and my sister and I have had our own moments in our lives where we were in the same place. But there's a myriad of women who are making waves about loving our bodies and my wonderful sister and I are trying to do the same by example. What girl, regardless of size, has ever not loved her body for whatever reason? How long do young girls, especially, have terrible self esteem? To many and too long is the right answer.

I owe a lot to my sister because she is amazingly strong and growing up, that helped me decide that it was ok to have an opinion and that not everyone will be ok with that opinion, but that is their problem. So here we are in the world, going out in public, subject to judgement from everyone and their dog saying "Yes, I'm Big and need bigger clothes but here I am rocking the 200+ dollar dress that many in the fashion industry say I won't buy." Totally making their reasoning for not extending sizes a sad excuse. If you make it, we will try. And if we try and like it, we will buy.